


To Infinity

by dying_breed



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drugs, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Levi in glasses, M/M, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 18:17:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2035167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dying_breed/pseuds/dying_breed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi works part time as a sound technician at a local bar downtown. He's tired of all these noisy fucking brats that call themselves local talent trying to get somewhere with their music careers. Call him pessimistic, but Levi knew all too well how fruitless their hopes were.</p>
<p>Then came Eren fucking Jaeger, with his heart-breakingly beautiful yet dead eyes. What is with this kid? He has real talent, not to mention he's fucking hot.</p>
<p>Levi's curiosity forces him into a world he never could have expected, and all because he decided to follow the boy with the ocean in his eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Underground Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first work ever, so take care of me. xx  
> Let's do it.

It’s 8 o’clock on a Friday night and I’m already bored as fuck. 

After spending a long ass day in university lectures that I don’t give two shits about, the last thing I feel like doing is standing in a corner for six fucking hours turning dials to make sure that no one’s ear drums bleed when a “band” of shitty brats comes on stage. 

I work at the Underground Wall (don’t fucking ask me, I just work here), a pretty small bar located right in the downtown core. This tends to be a hang out for some pretty sketchy people, the kind that prefer to wear leather jackets and are covered in piercings or tattoos, or both. Not that I mind, though, my leather jacket happens to be my most prized fucking possession and don’t you forget it. Friday night, to my exploding joy, happens to be Talent night. If it were up to me, the ads would read: “Come out to the Underground Wall and grab a drink while blood pours out of your eyes, ears and nostrils as you listen to this shit-for-brains talent”, but then again maybe I’m harsh. Fuck no.

Every Friday is the same. A new group of brats piles in with shit-eating-grins on their faces and the hope in their eyes is enough to make you vomit. Ah youth, you fucking idiots. Go waste some other individual’s time. My manager is happy because she thinks she’s doing them a favour and will ultimately be getting a profit out of this. But I happen to be the one who is forced to put up with this shit. Where is the fucking justice? Oh right, it doesn’t exist when your choices are (1) let your brain cells be destroyed by shitty music in exchange for regular pay or (2) starve and fucking die. Fuck.

Tonight, a band called Saving Shiganshina is playing. I don’t know what kind of a name that is for a band, but what I am more concerned about is that they’re supposed to go on in 10 minutes and I don’t see a fucking singer anywhere. Shit, are you kidding me? I decided to go over and figure out what the fuck was going on before I busted an artery in frustration, and as I approached the make-shift stage I took in the three other band members present.  
The one closest to me tuning his electric guitar looked like an absolute prick sent to this earth by Satan himself. His two-toned hair was hard not to notice and his jaw made him resemble a horse. I disguised my snort with a cough, and they all looked up.

“Oi. You go on in less than 10. Can you handle that?”

From behind the horse-faced-guitarist, a small boy with blonde hair peeked out. He looked like he was fucking 12, but I’m pretty sure you have to be 19 to even play here... what the fuck are you doing Petra? His bright blue eyes were kind and controlled, his hair tied back loosely at the base of his neck. He smiled shyly, staring at his bass instead of me, apparently fazed by my cold demeanour. He looked up at me, and in some cross between an excited squeal and a whisper, he said, “We’re almost done setting up.....um... just waiting on Eren. Oh, our singer. Sorry.”

I smirked and began helping them set up. Microphones were working. Amps were on loud. Finally I went over to see the drummer; you can tell if a band will be completely shit or not depending on how freaked out their drummer looks. I was met with surprisingly warm eyes, belonging to an excessively freckled face. He had brown hair and an even warmer smile and I knew right away that if I stayed near him too long, I would fucking melt away from all the happiness. Shit. I turned on my heel and was about to escape back to my corner of sanctuary when I noticed someone coming up the stairs to the stage.

The first thing I notice is that he is the same height as me while on the steps as I am standing on the stage. I know it shouldn’t shock me anymore considering the fact that I am as vertically challenged as it gets, but fuck it stings every time. Fuck this brat. The second thing I notice is that he hasn’t once acknowledged anyone or even said anything. Wow, why won’t this kid look up or speak? I’m pretty sure you can’t be a singer if you’re a fucking mute, just saying. Having had enough of this band, I brushed past the boy on the steps and trudged back to my safe place. 

Their set was about to start, and I checked my phone. 8:29 PM. Not bad, they’re punctual mother fuckers. I could get used to this. I looked up as the horse began introducing his band to a decently sized crowd, but noticed that the singer kid had his back turned. Seriously? What the fuck.  
The music started to flow and I braced myself. Gripping my ear plugs in one hand, ready to claw out my eyes with the other, I was impressed when I realized that the music actually wasn’t complete shit. Well, that’s a fucking first. Then I notice that this mystery Eren kid is finally deciding to turn around and—

 

Holy fuck.

 

The brat started singing but I couldn’t hear shit. I obviously can’t see my own face but I’m pretty fucking sure I looked similar to when man first discovered fire. Eren’s eyes were a shade of blue-green I had never seen before, and I was breathless. The colour was brilliant and radiated across the stage all the way over to where I stood. My head was fucking spinning.

I had to grip the wall because before I knew it, my knees were going numb. Fuck, are you kidding me? I can’t breathe and I am pretty sure that this brat trapped me in his fucking eyes but as far as I am concerned he can leave me here to die. I stood there, staring for what felt like two minutes, but when they started to pack up their shit I realized that a whole hour had already passed. Oh. 

I forced my body to move and began slowly making my way through filthy bodies over to the stage. I’m fucking working, I can’t just stand there like some twat. I was concentrating on my feet moving as I worked my way up the steps, so I didn’t noticed until something hard hit my shoulder and then grabbed my wrist to prevent me from falling. I involuntarily jerked my hand back and glared up at the offender, to find none other than those beautiful eyes staring at me. Eren’s eyes slowly trailed up my body until they reached my eyes, and I was close enough that I could hear the sharp inhale that came from his nostrils. 

Although he only quietly mumbled a “Sorry”, my body shivered as a chill went straight up my spine. This kid is going to fucking kill me if his fucking mumbling sounds this much like liquid silk. Eren abruptly jerked forward and practically sprinted by me and into the back. Out of curiosity, and also my sick desire to play with what I can’t have, I decided I would follow him. I walked past the black curtain and was shocked when I turned the corner and almost hit into something leveled at my waist.

It was Eren. He was doubled over and gasping for air. I recognized what was happening all too quickly and put my hands on his waist to gently direct him down into a sitting position. In guiding him I noticed how boney his hips felt, he disguised his thin body with loose-fitting clothing it seemed. Then Eren began to shake; this was a full-blown panic attack, and it seemed to be pretty severe from the looks of it. His hands were shaking and he was fumbling for something, but what that was I did not know. Suddenly I noticed a prescription pill bottle cradled in his hands as he twisted off the cap and shook one pill into his mouth, swallowing it dry.

Violent sobs shook his thin frame and he looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. I hadn’t noticed the anguish that seeped from them before, but it was painfully obvious to me now that he was suffering. I was immediately filled with the need to protect him. I don’t know where it came from, or why, but I knew that if I never saw this kid again I would regret it.

As if the gods read my thoughts and were laughing in my face, Eren’s body stilled and his breathing slowed as he looked down to his hands. This time when he looked up, his eyes were blank, clouded by the drugs, and his tear streaked face held no emotion at all. He looked at me as if I was alien to him, stood and smirked. 

 

“Why don’t you do us all a favour and stop pretending like you give a shit about every sad singer with issues? The world would still be fucked up, but at least you wouldn’t be full of shit.”

 

With that, Eren was gone. I stood there, stunned. First of all, that kid used the word shit twice in two sentences. I know I’ve got it bad. Second, my heart sank when I realized why the look in his eyes was so familiar to me.

 

Those eyes used to belong to me. Those eyes belong to those who have nothing left.


	2. Late Night Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's second encounter with Eren.

I stepped out from behind the black curtain when I heard raised voices. I was worried that after drugging up, Eren would be the aggressive type and start a fight with someone in the bar. Then I would be fucked for sure. But when I looked around the bar, he was no where to be found. Instead, I found the horse in a heated argument with blondey. From what I could see of this argument, horse face was eating out of the blonde’s hand, screaming for him to shut up. 

“Jean, you really don’t need to act like such an absolute dick all the time. Eren is obviously hurting, you should try and be more civil.”

At this, the horse whose name is Jean apparently, yelled back, “I’m not being a dick! He’s the one who fucking ignores me, Armin!” I’m going to hate this kid for sure. 

I take back what I said about Armin looking like a twelve year old because shit, when this brat is angry he looks like an enraged five year old. I can’t say that I hate it, though. “Oh please, Jean. Eren has got a lot going on and you should fucking know that.” Wow, who knew five year olds were so vulgar these days? “He hardly even talks to me anymore and he’s my best friend! Mikasa said she can hardly even get him to eat and she is certain that he isn’t sleeping.” Armin was fuming. 

I suddenly felt jealous of this Mikasa person for being so close to Eren. I wonder if she is his girlfriend, or just another childhood friend like Armin. I hoped it was the latter, not that I have any chance with him anyway. Like I said, I have a sick desire to play with things I can’t have. When I looked back at Jean, his shoulders had slumped and he let out a loud sigh. 

“I know. I fucking know that alright!” He turned his face away from Armin and towards me, so I noticed the slight glint of tears in his eyes. “Do you really think that I don’t care at all? He looks like shit. Worse than he’s ever been… He’s even losing weight now. But what can I do? As if he wants my help, I’m the one who fucking left him remember?”

I instantly sided with Armin in this argument and my budding hate for Jean blossomed into a fucking carnivorous plant. I’ve got to admit, my level of respect for the blonde was rising, as I could obviously see how much he cared about Eren. Eren needs people who will stick up for him and always take his side, not people who will run away when things get ugly. Fucking prick. 

I was about to turn away from them when freckles appeared and lightly placed his hand on Jean’s shoulder. Jean tensed at his touch, but after realizing who it was, relaxed and fell back onto freckles’ chest. Shit, seriously? This band has got too much drama for a group of four guys. I walked away, seeing red. Fuck that Jean guy. He reminded me of past boyfriends who pretended to be in it for the long run, only to leave me when I was in my darkest hour. Its not that they didn’t care. Its just that they didn’t know how to fix something that was already broken into a thousand pieces. I couldn’t really blame them, but that doesn’t mean that I had to like them. At fucking all. 

The rest of my shift seemed to go by in a blur and before I knew it, it was 2:30AM and I was saying goodnight to my manager. Petra was an old friend of mine, and after I had gotten back on my feet and decided to go to school, she offered me a job at her bar. The fact that she was 24 and already ran a pretty successful business just showed how competent she was. She also hadn’t left like most other people in my life and that meant she held a special place in my heart. Not that I would ever admit that. Nope, not even if there was a knife at my throat. 

 

I grabbed a coffee from the shop beside our bar and set out for my apartment. I lived in a decent neighbourhood which wasn’t too far from where I worked. The only trouble was that in order to get to my neighbourhood, you had to walk through a pretty scary part of town. Since I have had to defend myself all my life, shit like this doesn’t irk me in the slightest. I’ve got quick reflexes and an even quicker right hook. Just try and fuck with this midget. I fucking dare you.

I’m almost home when I notice something shift in the corner of my left eye. Immediately, adrenaline pulses through my body and I’m ready for whatever it is that awaits me. To my ultimate disappointment, it is nothing more than a man slumped over on a bench. Seeing as I am a fucking angel, I decide to give the rest of my coffee to whoever happens to be sitting on that bench. It’s cold as shit and considering what part of town I’m in, it is safe to assume that this man is homeless. 

The plan was to leave the coffee by his head and leave without a word. Angels are silent and shit--I was shocked out of my sainthood when I realized that this was no homeless man. I had seen this face only a few hours ago.

Passed out on the bench was none other than Eren, the mystery man who would surely be the cause of my death. I couldn’t help but notice the blood dripping from his raw knuckles and also from his split eyebrow. Well shit, I guess he does get aggressive when medicated, he just knows where to come for a good fight. Considering the fact that he looks relatively unscathed, I assumed that Eren had won the fight and was filled with a sense of pride until I remembered that he was passed out on a bench at 3:00 AM. What the fuck. As I threw his large body over my shoulder, I couldn’t help but notice the small smile that was spread across his sleeping face. 

\--

I got home less than 10 minutes later, and considering the fact that I was carrying dead weight, I’d say I’m pretty fucking good. It also made me a little sick how easy that walk had been, when was the last time this brat ate? Shit. What the hell am I getting myself into? Well, its too fucking late for that seeing as he’s passed out on my clean couch. This kid may be gorgeous but he better not be fucking dirty. 

I was standing a few feet away in the kitchen making myself a cup of tea well I heard it. Oh hell fucking no. I practically lunged at the couch but I was too late. Eren had thrown up all over himself (none of it got on my couch, fuck YES) and he stared up at me with wide, fearful eyes. Thoroughly disgusted but still feeling a little sympathetic, I helped the brat take off his t-shirt without smearing his own vomit all over his face. I stepped out of my apartment and threw that shit in the fucking garbage, there is no way I am keeping that in my house. I shivered at the thought and walked back into my apartment. 

Eren was standing up, face pale and contorted. I knew he was about to vomit again. I grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him down the hall to the bathroom, where he practically fell into the toilet as he began violently puking the non-existent contents of his stomach. I sat behind him and rubbed small circles into his back as he retched and cried. Why I was doing this, I had no fucking idea. The last time I saw someone vomit I didn’t speak to them for a week because every time I looked at their face all I saw was filth. 

Somehow, Eren was different. Eren was desperate and alone and I couldn’t help but want to pull him out of the darkness. As soon as he was finished, he collapsed onto the floor. I stepped over his limp body to flush the toilet, and grimaced when I saw that he had vomited blood. I quickly flushed and then grabbed some bleach, cleaning the toilet and floor that Eren still lay on. Like hell I am gonna leave that till tomorrow. Cleanliness is a priority in my household, if you have a problem with that, then fuck you. Next I grabbed the fairly large first aid kit I kept in my bathroom cupboard and got to work cleaning up the cut on Eren’s eyebrow and his blood-covered knuckles. 

As I worked on Eren, he hardly moved aside from the steady rise and fall of his chest. I took the time to notice just how thin he really was, and also noticed fading bruises scattered along his rib cage. I guess Eren gets into fights a lot, then. When I was satisfied with my work, I neatly wrapped up his knuckles and then picked him up and carried him to my bed. I grabbed him one of my over-sized t-shirts and pulled it over his head, and proudly noticed that it actually looked like it fit him. I removed his jeans, leaving him in his boxers and pulled the covers over his legs. I went over to my closet to grab my own pyjamas, and then made my way over to the couch. 

It was now 4:00 AM and I was fucking tired. I fell asleep seconds after my head hit the pillow, despite the hardness of the couch. 

The bliss of sleep, however, was short lived. I woke up to the sound of panicked screams coming from my bedroom. What the fuck? Why am I not in bed? _Oh._ I looked at the clock as I ran into the room and saw that it was 5:58 AM. Fuck. Eren was thrashing and yelling on my bed and I had no fucking clue what to do. If I touch him, he’ll probably throw a punch at me, and if I do nothing, then my neighbours will call the fucking cops. Either way I’m fucked. I decided to make my way over to him and I gently placed my hand on his sweaty forehead. Fucking disgusting. 

At my touch, his body instantly stilled and he began to cry. His eyes were still closed but he began murmuring something. “...rry. Sorry. ‘M so so sorry.. Sorry mom.” I knew that these were not words for my ears, or for anyone’s, but I sat down on the bed and cradled his body into my chest. Eventually, the tears stopped and were replaced by even breaths that tickled my skin. This kid is definitely going to be the death of me. 

\--

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because when I woke up, I was lying in my bed alone, tucked into the covers. I checked the clock and it read 10:00 AM. Shit. I practically flung myself out of bed and shuffled over to the kitchen, still groggy. Eren was sitting at the kitchen table, writing on a napkin.

“So what, I bring you home and let you vomit in my house and you were planning to up and leave? Real nice, kid.”

His shoulders tense but he doesn’t turn to face me. “Sorry…. uh thanks for everything. But I should really go. I need to go.”

Before I could even say anything, he shot up from his seat, grabbed his shoes and whipped open my door, exiting and then slamming it shut. And with that, he was gone.

After a minute had passed, I walked over to the kitchen table to see the note he left.

 

_  
To kind stranger,_

_I don’t even know your name but you were so kind to me. Thank you for saving me from myself. I’m sorry about what I said about you at the bar. I hope that I’ll run into you again, someday._

_PS. I'm taking your shirt since I can't find mine._

_\- Eren  
_

 

Well, he’s not exactly eloquent, but shit. I know now that I’ve definitely got it bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this feels a bit choppy to me but I'm still trying to figure this all out.  
> PS. I definitely will not be updating every 12 hours, I'm just a bit too excited right now.


	3. Xanax and Blow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you to everyone for the comments, kudos and bookmarks!!  
> You are all really lovely. 
> 
> Here's some angst as thanks.

I don’t know how long I spent staring at that note from Eren. I tried to analyze it with everything I had, but ultimately it was a note from a confused kid who didn’t seem to know what he wanted, and truthfully neither did I. Shit. 

I was broken out of my trance by the shrill ring of my cell phone. I wondered how much time had passed since Eren had left, so I checked the clock on the stove to see that it was now 4:30 PM. Holy fuck, I’ve been staring at this note for six hours. 

I answer without checking the caller ID, bad call. “LLLLLLLEEEEEEEVVVVIIIII!!!”

My eye twitches and I’m pretty sure my ear is bleeding as I pull the phone away from my poor ear drum as fast as possible. “Oi, shitty glasses. Are you trying to destroy my hearing?” My voice is hoarse from lack of use, but steady. 

“Aw Leeeevi, if I wanted to do that it would be done already. Why aren’t you replying to my texts!?!?!?” 

“I’ve been busy.” Like hell I have, I haven’t moved for six fucking hours. Shit, I haven’t even brushed my teeth. I shudder, overwhelmed by the cesspool of filth that is my mouth. “I have to go. Bye.”

I high tail it to the washroom and grab my tooth brush, squirt a generous portion of toothpaste on and begin the attack on plaque. I brush with vigour, and feel as though this is my first time brushing my teeth in ages. Fuck. That is definitely the longest I have gone without brushing my teeth, and that will never happen again. Fuck Eren. The kid hardly said three sentences to me and I’m falling all over myself thinking about him. Once I’m finished, I thoroughly rinse my mouth, first with water, then mouthwash. After burning the inside of my mouth with the minty liquid, I spit it out, feeling fresh. 

I decide that this is the perfect time to take a shower, considering I have to work again tonight. Oh the joy. I strip down, folding my clothes and placing them neatly on the counter, and jump into the scalding water. I lather and scrub every inch of my body, however few that may be, with fervor. Once I am satisfied with my level of cleanliness, I stand under the shower head for another five minutes and let the water cascade over my body. When I step out of the shower, I wipe down with the towel and then hang it back up to dry. There’s no use covering up, I live alone anyway.

I walk into the hall and turn in the direction of my bedroom. “That’s one fine ass you’re sporting. Why do you even cover that up?” 

I turn to face the offender, knowing exactly who it is. “What the fuck are you doing in my house, shitty glasses? How did you even get in here?”

“Well, actually it was unlocked. Is everything okay?” There was genuine concern in her eyes, but I brushed it off. 

“Of course. I knew that a shit-stain like you would drag your ass here if I hung up on you, so I unlocked it.” Not likely, and she didn’t buy it for a second. Damn shitty glasses. 

“....Okay. So what have you been doing all day? Let’s go get coffee!!!! Tell me about your week!!” The grin on her face was so wide I thought her face might crack. Shit. 

“I have work.”

“I know. In 3 hours, that leaves plenty of time for you to tell me about this Eren who apparently has your shirt!!” She practically squealed. 

How does she--? Fuck. The note is still on the table.

“No. We are not talking about that.” 

“Leeeeeeeevi, you have to tell me. You have to!”

Realizing that I was still stark naked and standing in the middle of my hall, I make my way into my room and yell back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

  


\--

  


An hour later and I’m sitting at a coffee table with two pairs of eyes staring me into oblivion. Shitty glasses was not only able to drag me out to a coffee shop, she also chose the one shop I had hoped she wouldn’t pick. Across from me sat Captain fucking America, with his thick brows, startling blue eyes and chiseled face. Hanji, Erwin and I had been friends since high school. Whenever an intervention was deemed necessary, and apparently this counted as necessary, the other two would gang up on me until I spilled my guts. 

“So, Levi, tell me about Eren.” His eyes were happy and a little smug.

“Fuck you Captain America, I don’t know shit.”

He chuckled a little, but then became serious. “I’m happy for you if you’ve found someone. But I would have thought that you would tell us. I’m actually a little hurt that you decided to keep us in the dark.”

“Actually, if you’d let me fucking explain, I literally don’t know shit. The fucking kid played at my bar, had an anxiety attack, popped some xanax, and then was on his merry way. Then on my way home I find him passed out on a bench after getting into a fight. What was I supposed to do, leave him? Aren’t you supposed to be a superhero?”

Erwin smiled at this. “You helped someone you hardly know? He must really have taken hold of your heart.”

How fucking right you are, eyebrows. Not that I will admit it. My face was as cold as ever and I showed no hint of relenting, so bad cop began her onslaught of questions. Though I’m not sure Hanji qualifies as bad cop, annoying-as-fuck cop seems more appropriate. 

“Okay well whatever!!! So Leviiiii,” she always draws out the fucking i. “What does this Eren look like!?!” I know that she doesn’t actually care. Hanji is as asexual as it gets. She would give any amoeba a run for their money.

I decide that I’ll entertain her anyway, seeing as he’s fucking gorgeous. “He has messy brown hair, golden skin and eyes the colour of a tropical paradise.” My lip twitches a little as I try to maintain my cold mask. Somehow thinking about Eren makes that difficult. 

“Ooohhhhh, Erwin. He’s practically blushing!!! Little baby Levi is in love!!!!” She is fucking bouncing in her chair. People are fucking staring. Erwin is giving me that knowing look. Shit.

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous. I hardly even know the brat.” I drag my eyes down to my now empty coffee cup. “Anyway, I have work. Also, I need to get the fuck away from you guys before I have an aneurism.” 

I stand, and nod in their respective directions. Then I turn and make my way out of the small coffee shop that Erwin owns. A damn good one, by the way. And it’s fucking spotless, just saying.

  


\--

  


I walk back home, change and mentally prepare myself for work. Saturday nights are always rowdy as fuck. But at least I won’t really have to deal with any shitty brats tonight. I leave for work and arrive 10 minutes early, as always. 

My shift passes rather quickly, even though I work another six hour shift on Saturday nights. I don’t work much during the week, so I make up for it on weekends. Before I know it, its 2:00 AM and I’m clocking out, saying goodbye to Petra and Erd who is working at the bar tonight. 

I make my way home, shower again and pass out before I even have time to pull the covers over my body.

  


\--

  


The week passes rather slowly. All my classes seem to be drawn out. My shift at work feels three times longer than the actual four hour shift that it is. 

Thinking about Eren seemed to pull my head into the past, bringing back a treasure chest of unwanted memories. It’s Wednesday night and I’m at home, lying on my carpet and staring up at my white ceiling, trying not to think about _it_. I shut my eyes tightly and focus on my breathing, noticing my hands have started to shake. I can’t do this, I can’t think about this. I have to do something else. That something else is cleaning. I spring up from the floor, and go to my bedroom to grab my bandanas. I tie one around my head, and the other across my nose and mouth. Like hell if I’m gonna burn the insides of my trachea. Fuck no. 

I grab my second most prized possession, the family sized bottle of bleach under my kitchen sink, and get to work. I scrub fucking everything, the kitchen sink, the bathroom sink, the shower, the tile floors and whatever else won’t burn away to shit if you bleach it. I wax all of the wooden floors, and then wax them again. By the time I’m done with my rage cleaning session, my entire body feels numb, my hands are bright red from the bleach and my head is spinning from brain cell death. Fuck you, brain cells, I didn’t need you anyway.

I decide that since my house is clean as fuck, I should get clean too. I jump into the shower, turning the knob so that the water practically gives me third degree burns, and clean myself until my skin is red. When I step out of the shower, my knees give out and I fall to the ground. The fucking regression is real.

I drag myself into my bedroom, noticing that the clock reads 3:48 AM, and pass the fuck out. 

  


\--

  


It’s fucking Talent night again at the Underground Wall and I’m not ready to impale myself with a microphone stand just yet. 

I’m getting ready for another group of brats to trash the place with their disturbingly high hopes when I see the name of the band playing tonight and freeze. Saving Shiganshina. Oh my fucking shit. _No._ I’m literally about to drag my ass to Petra and make some excuse about how I’m suddenly feeling like I might shit out my liver when I hear that distinctive prick’s voice. 

“Yo, Armin. Grab my guitar so I can help Marco with the drum kit.”

Which was quickly replied to with a soft, “‘Kay.”

I spin around, wide eyed, but once again am only met with the faces of three band members. They all smile at me like we are somehow now familiar with each other and I want nothing to do with it. Fuck that. Eren is bad for my health. I need to stay away from him and everyone who is associated with him. Definitely. No matter how enticing he is. 

“Um.. hi.” Armin is smiling shyly as he speaks on behalf of the other two. “You were really helpful last week and we never really got a chance to thank you.” 

“Don’t worry about it. Just doing my job.” I’m cold on purpose. I need to get off this stage.

I start moving to get around them when horse face steps in front of me. I seriously fucking hate this guy. “I-I’m Jean. I play the electric guitar.” He points towards blondey, whose name I already know. “This is Armin, he plays bass, and is actually good considering he just learned last year… Oh sorry, rambling. And this,” he is smiling now. “This is Marco. He is our drummer.” Freckles blushes and smiles at nothing in particular. Ugh. Love is sickening. Get me the fuck away from these kids. Please. 

This time freckles is the one to speak and I’m actually surprised at how deep his voice is. “Um, we never got your name. Sorry…”

I continue manoeuvring my way around them until I’m at the edge of the stage, and I almost want to jump off. Not that it is very high off the ground, but whatever. I turn back to face them, and consider the fact that they are the reason my ears won’t be bleeding two weeks in a row. I guess I can give them my name. “Yeah. It’s Levi.” And that’s that. I start walking down the steps-- 

Fuck. You have got to be kidding me. I turn to face what I just bumped into, knowing all too well what or rather who it is. Eren is looking up at me with those beautiful fucking eyes and under his breath I hear him say my name. “Levi.” My entire spine tingles and I can tell that I just popped a fucking boner. Oh shit. 

I walk by him without a word, and I can tell that he is watching me as I speed walk into the staff back room. I am leaning against the door with heaving breaths as I try to calm myself down. Fuck this, Levi, he’s just some kid. What do you think you’re doing, getting a hard on when some kid says your name? Are you a fucking pedophile? Fuck. I take a few minutes to compose myself, and then walk back out into the bar, going to my safe corner near the back. When I look up, Eren is staring at me, but then looks down, pretending to be setting up his microphone. Real smooth kid. Something about Eren seems different today, he is less agitated and reserved. If it was anyone else, I would be happy and think they had gotten over whatever their problem was. But I knew that wasn’t the case with Eren. I was suddenly curious about what he had done to calm himself down, hoping that it was nothing too dangerous. 

I look at my phone and see that it is now 8:58 PM, and the band will be going on in a couple minutes. At the Underground Wall, the more popular a band gets, the later they get to go on. Don’t fucking ask me, I just work here. I hold two fingers up and Armin sees me, he looks a bit panicked as he turns to face the other band members and let them know my message. Eren’s eyes shoot up to me and I look down at my phone, pretending to be busy. Yeah right. I’m fucking pathetic. 

I look around to see a crowd larger than last week’s, but notice some faces that were also here last Friday. There is an average sized girl with shoulder-length raven-black hair like mine, standing right in between Armin and Eren. She wore a red scarf around her neck, which was a little odd considering how stuffy it got in here, especially where she was standing. I assumed that she must be Mikasa, but I was relieved that when I looked up at Eren, he was still looking at me, and not her. Wait. Why am I relieved? Shit shit shit. I look down again and ignore everyone as the band begins their set. This time, Eren introduces the band with a confidence that is unfamiliar to me. 

I try to tune out, but Eren’s singing voice might just be the most sensual shit that I have ever heard. Not to mention the fact that every fucking time I happen to look up, those eyes are burning into my fucking soul. I’m pretty sure that we held eye contact for almost the whole set, so when he looked down, I suddenly felt like something was missing. I felt like I had been emptied out. I needed his eyes on me again. I had never felt such a desire to be connected to another before, and quite frankly I fucking hated it. This is not you, Levi. 

I tried to focus on my work, adjusting the dials and turning off the massive sound system that I worked on. Since I was the only one who knew how to use it, no one ever bothered me or touched it, which I liked. Plus, it meant that I didn’t need to disinfect it before each use. I already disinfected it after each use, if I did both people might start to think I’m crazy. Not that I fucking care. Those people are probably fucking filthy. Ew.

Just as I was finishing up my cleaning, a grey blob appeared in the corner of my right eye. Oh fuck. Here we go. I looked up to see Eren, staring down curiously at me with a smirk on his lips. The lights made the sheen of sweat on his skin visible, and usually I would find that fucking gross, but for some reason I wanted to lean over and lick Eren. Seriously what the fuck. Trying to erase that thought from my head, I looked back down.

“Uh, Levi? Hey. I wanted to say thanks again, for uh, last week.” I looked up at him. He was wearing my fucking shirt. He noticed where my eyes had travelled to and blushed, “Ya, sorry. I actually really like this shirt. But I’ll definitely give it back! Just let me wash it.” Oh god, he knows the way to my heart already. I’m fucked. 

“Whatever. It’s no problem.” Be cool, Levi.

“So um… my band is having an after-party. I know you’re working right now, and I guess your shift must end late...but I was wondering if you would come, like after?” Under the dimmed lights it was hard to notice, but his cheeks had turned a little pink. 

“I don’t usually go to after parties for bands at the bar.” 

He seemed pretty fucking determined for me to say yes. It was actually kind of cute. “Oh, but! But I need to thank you for what you did for me. And I-I’d like to get to know you, i-if that’s alright with you..um--”

“Okay, okay. Don’t hurt yourself. Where is it?” 

He fucking grinned at me and I think my heart stopped. Shit. “Reiner, oh, my manager, is throwing the party so it’s at his house.” He pointed to a massive fucking blonde guy with broad shoulders who already looked plastered. This should be great. He cleared his throat so I looked back at him, he was shifting his weight between his feet. “Um.. if you want, I could text you the address. I-If you’re okay with giving me your number. Or I could give you mine, so then it would be up to you!” 

This brat is really fucking something. I could feel the corner of my lip twitch, but I repressed the urge to smile at him. “Sure, here. Give me your phone.” I passed him my phone and he looked stunned, but then quickly added himself into my contact list. I did the same, and handed his phone back to him.

“Thanks, Levi! See you later, then.”

“Sure, kid.”

 

\--

 

My shift dragged on like a fucking bitch and I was pretty sure it would never end. Someone out there is definitely torturing me. They don’t lie when they say karma is a bitch. Fuck you karma. But sure enough, my shift ended and as I wrapped my scarf around my neck and headed out the door, I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous.

I checked my phone to see that I had a text from Eren.

**_  
Eren 2:02 AM_ **

_Hey! It’s Eren. The address is 28 Church St. Tell me when you’re here!! :)_

 

Wow, a party on Church. This shit is sure to be wild. I was relieved when I realized this party was a ten minute walk from my house. In case shit got bad or awkward, I could bolt without a second thought. I make my way over to the party and get there in pretty good time. I knock on the door and shoot Eren a text to let him know I’m here, when the door swings open.

Reiner is swaying in the doorway and practically yells in my face. “Yooooooo, yer the sound duuuude. Welcome yo weelcome…” This kid is fucked. 

He grabs my wrist and drags me inside, handing me a beer. “Mi casa es su casa…” Then he bursts out laughing. “Mikasa, do you like that joke?!” The raven-haired girl from before is glaring at him and he doubles over laughing. Her glare is almost enough to impress me. Not bad. 

I open my beer and am roaming around the house looking for Eren, but accidentally walk into a room full of couches. I think you know what that means. Jean and Marco are practically fucking on the sofa, Jean grinding so fiercely into Marco I’m surprised he can even breathe. They don’t even notice me as I snort, but another couple looks up. I expect them to be carrying out the same sort of activities but I’m wrong. They’re sitting in front of a mountain of cookies that I can smell from where I stand, must be freshly baked. The boy is bald, and he continues to stare down lovingly at the baked goods, while the other, a girl with messy brown hair and large brown eyes, looks between me and her stack of cookies, protectively. When she can tell that I’m not a threat, she smiles and turns back to her partner, kissing him before attacking the cookies. Wow, I’ve never seen someone eat so disgustingly in my life. Ugh.

I was about to walk into the kitchen when I heard the noise coming from it, peeking in to see a pretty ridiculous game of beer pong in progress. I’ve never in my life seen a game of 21-cup beer pong being played, so this is a first. Everyone seemed to be drunk as fuck, but I didn’t see Eren anywhere, so I turned around and made my way for the upstairs. Going upstairs at a party is always a risk, because you might be lucky enough to stumble in on someone mid-sex. I prayed to the gods that I did not believe in that this would not be the case tonight. I pressed my ear against each of the three rooms, and heard creaking coming from two, so I decided against those ones. When I pressed my ear against the third door, I heard voices. Eren’s voice and another. 

I decide to be a fucking creep and listen in before opening the door or knocking. 

“Eren, please. This is dangerous! This is going too far.” I think the one speaking is Armin, and the concern in his voice is obvious. 

I hear some muffled shuffling and then Eren’s voice, but something is wrong. “Fuck off, Armin. I know what I’m doing, okay. Its not even a big deal.”

“Drugs aren’t a big deal? Who even are you Eren? I don’t understand you anymore! I’m trying to help and you keep pushing me further and further away. What can I do? Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Anything.”

There is a long pause before Eren’s voice fills my ears. “You want to know? You can hand me that bag back, and get the fuck out of this room. Right now.” 

I know that I’m about to be discovered, and apparently I’ve become a coward, because I slip into the door to my right, which happens to be a fucking towel closet. Shit. If anyone opens this door, then I’m fucked for sure. How do you even explain being inside a towel closet? Oh dude, I love the smell of laundry detergent. Actually, considering how fucked these kids are, they might go for it. I’m brought out of my own stupidity by the sound of a door opening and then slamming. I can see feet passing in front of me, and I hear ragged breathing. Armin must be crying. I wait a few minutes before exiting the closet and gently knocking on the door to the room that I know Eren is alone in.

“Armin, just fuck off okay.”

I open the door and he is glaring in my direction, but he as soon as he sees my face, his expression changes. He whips his head around, but I notice the whirling of emotion that passes through his eyes. Mostly guilt and shame, from what I could see. I wonder why, but am instantly given an answer when I look down at the table he is sitting in front of.

 

Three neat lines of white powder are equally spread out and a razor is off to the side near a bag still filled with the white substance. Nice. Haven’t seen cocaine in a while. My questions about Eren are slowly being answered as I take in the scene, and I notice that his shoulders have slumped in defeat.

“Addict, huh?”

He glares at me, but it isn’t anger or hatred towards me that fills his eyes. “No. I’m not.”

“Oh really? You could have fooled me.” 

“Listen, Levi. You saved me and all, but you don’t fucking know me. And you probably never will.”

I, more than anyone, know how to act around an addict. They’ll do whatever it takes to make themselves look innocent, to con you into believing they are fine, and then they will escape back into their drugged up state. I slowly make my way over to him and when I’m right beside his back, he tenses up. 

“Its okay. I won’t say anything. Do it.”

He looks at me, bewildered, obviously not expecting that reaction. “W-What? I can’t...not if you’re watching me.” He can’t keep eye contact with me. Typical. The guilt is eating away at him.

“Why? What is there to be ashamed of?” 

This seems to trigger a fire in him and he is now quite obviously angry. He gets up, and quickly enters my personal space. Oh, I guess I said the wrong thing. He is looking down at me and his eyes now possess brilliant flecks of gold in them. I’m not sure if it is the lighting or maybe the drugs, but I’m captivated by them and forget what kind of situation I presently find myself in.

“What the fuck are you playing at, huh? Do you just want to fuck me or something? Leave me alone.” 

I smirk up at him and send him a retort he doesn’t expect, “Well, fucking you would be nice. But not while you are shot up on drugs. Sorry. I have a rule not to go there anymore.”

His eyes soften at my words and he questions, “Anymore?”

“Hey, hey, don’t expect me to spill my life story to you. And don’t try to change the fucking subject.” I stare back at the table and his eyes follow mine. 

“Just… I… Can I just--?” He is pleading for me to let him do it, and I know that asking him to stop all at once will be useless. So I comply, nodding my head. He grabs my hand and squeezes it, and I know that he is thanking me. Fuck, you shouldn’t be.

I watch him as he bends over the table and snorts each line with precision, leaving next to no powder behind. He’s obviously not new to this drug. Once he is finished, he cleans up, and places everything into a small container which he places in his jacket. Ah, so that is where he keeps his stash. Not very secretive there, Eren. He rubs at his nose and then looks at me, a strange glint in his eyes. 

He gets up and makes his way towards me, and before I know it, his lips are on mine. Shit. I was definitely not expecting that.

 

His lips are a lot softer than I had expected, and his entire body is warm. I wonder if that is the effect of the drugs, or if he is a natural space heater. He continues to kiss my lips, with more determination than before, and I realize that I am pushed up against the door frame. Wow, is this kinky or what. I’m struggling to get him off me, not that I really want to, but I know that he isn’t in his right mind. He feels me wiggling against him and pulls back, out of breath.

 

He practically growls his next words, “Please, Levi. I want you. I need you.” 

 

Oh my fucking god. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... some things are still up in the air in terms of how I want the story to progress. Wondering if anyone has any opinions for who should take the top/bottom roles in sex (it won't be in the next chapter, but its coming!). I'm leaning towards Levi as seme, just because I think he is more dominant.  
> Leave me a comment and let me know!
> 
> Hope you are enjoying this as much as I am.  
> Till next time xx.


	4. Be My Rock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello!!  
> Thanks to everyone who told me their opinion on seme/uke roles! I think I've decided, but things can still change.
> 
> I know you were hoping for something hot, but this is just as good, I think!  
> Enjoy the life of Levi.
> 
> Warning, it is a little bit rough.

Eren’s lips continued to work themselves on mine. His kiss was needy and aggressive, but somehow felt controlled, and I could honestly get used to this feeling. At some point he had picked me up, against my will, and our hips were now in line with each others. As he nipped on my bottom lip, he thrust up into my hips and I could feel him through the fabric of our clothing. I tried to stifle the moan that escaped my lips, throwing my head back and subsequently hitting the door. Suddenly his mouth was on my neck, sucking, licking and biting my flesh. My entire body was on fire and I could hardly breathe. I knew this was not right, there is no way in hell this should be happening right now, but I didn’t want it to stop. Ever. 

I hadn’t let someone take control like this for years, and I was relishing in it. He pushed me harder into the door and released his hands from my hips, placing one behind my neck and letting the other trail up the inside of my shirt. His hand traced over my abs and in that moment I silently praised myself for taking such good care of my body. He hummed his approval and opened his eyes so that he could focus on removing my t-shirt. I took the time to analyze his face; there were deep bags under his eyes, and his golden skin seemed paler than usual. When I finally landed on his eyes, they seemed clouded, and I couldn’t tell if it was the lust or the drugs. His pupils were blown wide and his mouth was slightly parted. God, he looked so fucking sexy, I wanted to push him down on to the bed and take him right here and now. Fuck it, I can’t resist him. I laughed to myself after thinking that he is like a drug to me, realizing that he was indeed on drugs. 

He starts removing his own shirt, or rather _my_ shirt, practically ripping it in the process, and I feel my restraint snap in half. I take in his naked torso, admiring his toned body. As my eyes are trailing back up to his face, I almost miss the faint marks on his neck. I snap out of my lusty haze and look more closely. There are lines on both sides of his neck that seem to wrap all the way around, about the same thickness as fingers. Shit. I push him away from me, almost falling as I land on the ground and he looks at me, obviously confused.

“What's wrong, Levi?” 

I’m fucking disgusted with myself, that’s what. How could I take advantage of this kid who is so clearly damaged? I’m like all those bastards that used me when I was vulnerable and alone. Shit, don’t think about that right now. I rub my hands over my face, composing myself, before I look back up at his still confused face.

“Eren, what happened?” 

He doesn’t seem to understand my question. “I-I don’t know? Did I do something wrong?” 

I flinch and lean forwards, wanting to hold and comfort him. No, Eren, it is not your fault. I stop myself though, returning to my original position. “Eren, how did you get those marks on your neck?”

His body recoils away from me, like he is trying to protect himself from my eyes. His hands instinctively fly upwards to cover his neck and he looks down at the floor. I remember the bruises that I had noticed on his rib cage last week. I let my eyes wander back down and notice fresh ones, some that look quite painful now that I am paying attention to them.

“It’s nothing, really. I got into a fight with some guys at school. It was me against them… there were more than one. I lost. It was nothing.” He won’t look me in the eyes, and I know that he is lying through his teeth. 

“Eren, tell me the truth.” 

“W-what.. I am. I told you the truth!” His body is trembling and his eyes are shut tightly. He’s trying to repress something, and I’m trying to bring it out. I’m sorry, Eren, but I need to know.

“Eren…” I lean towards him again, but this time he resists. 

His eyes shoot open and he is begging. “No, no, no no no, please. Don’t, Levi, please. Please.” His hands are shaking violently and I know that he is about to break. 

His next movements are abrupt and desperate. He lunges in the direction of his jacket and my body moves before I can even process what is happening. Before I know it, Eren is pinned down underneath me, looking surprised at my strength and I smirk. As soon as the tears begin to spill out of his eyes, however, a burst of pain shoots through my entire body. I know that the tears are not because of me, but it hurts just the same. He is squirming underneath me, yelling at me to release him, begging for me to stop. Eren keeps looking in the direction of his jacket, in the direction of his most sacred drugs, just a few feet away. 

As I watch Eren try to force his way out of my grip, I realize some things. Before I can work my way into this boy’s heart, I’m going to have to destroy his dependence on drugs. And before I can tackle his addiction, I’m going to have to figure out what is eating away at him. Eren is fucking fragile, his glass heart could shatter at any moment, and I know that. I know that someone like him will never open up to me, someone that he doesn’t know at all. No trust exists between us. Not yet anyway. 

I know what I have to do, and truthfully I am afraid to do it. “Eren.”

He slowly looks up at me, eyes red and glazed over. He doesn’t speak, but doesn’t break eye contact with me, so I know that he is listening.

“Eren, I want to understand you. I want to help you. But I know that you don’t trust me.” His eyes widen and I know that what I am saying is the truth. “I need you to trust me. So.. so I’ll tell you.”

He is suddenly curious, and I feel easier now that the tortured look has left his eyes. “Tell me what?” 

I look at him, completely serious, and ask, “Will you come home with me?” 

He looks confused, but nods. I slowly release my grip on him, and help him up, cautious of his next moves. I lean down to grab our shirts, and as we put them back on, I realize that the drugs are still in his coat pocket.

“Eren. I’m going to take the cocaine. I’m going to keep it in my coat pocket. Is that okay?” 

He takes a moment to think about this, wiping some of the wetness from his face. To my surprise, he nods, and gives me a small smile. My heart bursts with emotion and I feel like I have just witnessed one of the great wonders of the world.

I take his hand, and together we make our way down the stairs, and out of the bustling house.

 

\--

 

The walk to my apartment is relatively silent, but not once does Eren release my hand from his grasp. I lead him towards my safe place, burying my face in my scarf as the cold winds beat my skin. I turn to face him, but his cheeks are pink and I remember that he happens to be a walking space heater. Lucky little shit. I smile to myself and he notices, smiling back. 

As we stand in front of my door and I’m placing the key into the lock, the panic starts to set in. Am I really about to tell someone that I hardly know about my life? Can I even do it? Since picking myself back up from rock bottom, I’ve only told the whole story to Hanji and Erwin. Some friends know bits and pieces of the truth, and others know nothing. I begin to panic a little ( _a lot_ ), and I can feel my hands shaking. Just as I am hoping that Eren doesn’t notice it, he gives my hand a light squeeze. He did notice, but apparently doesn’t mind. Relief washes through me, along with a sense of comfort in Eren’s presence. 

I pull him towards the couch, and sit down cross-legged at one edge. He sits down on the other, his whole body turned towards me, all of his attention on me. I am suddenly filled with nerves, and the memories begin blurring through my head. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to force the images away, back into the dark corners of my mind. I am jerked out of my internal conflict when I feel two strong arms pulling me in Eren’s direction, and I feel myself fall against his chest. I don’t resist, nuzzling my face into his chest. “You… you’re just like me.” 

I look up at him and see warmth in his eyes. I know that he is telling me that I don’t have to say it, and I know that I don’t. But I want to. I need this to happen so that he will open up to me and I can help him. I’ll admit that I’m not fully healed, and maybe I’m not the best person to be taking responsibility of him, fucked up as I am, but if he’ll let me, I’ll never do him wrong. 

“I… I’ve seen a lot of fucked up shit. I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit.” I take a deep breath in, steadying myself, and begin. “Something happened when I was 17… something that changed my life. I would say I had been a fairly happy kid, I was always a little rowdy, I got into fights, but I participated in sports, I had friends. Then it happened, and… I fell into a depression. I tried to kill myself four times before my mother finally kicked me out. I guess she couldn’t really handle me anymore…. she wasn’t all there, mentally. It was too hard on her. Too much for someone like her to handle. I don’t hate her, though. I don’t think I ever really could. I learned to hate the world, hate everything and everyone, but I could never hate her.” 

Thinking about my mother after not doing so for so long really shook me up. I still kept tabs on her, and once in a while, as creepy as it sounds, I would follow her around just to make sure that she was alright and not getting herself into trouble. Not speaking to her, or having her acknowledge me for almost 10 years wasn’t easy, and I felt the weight of loneliness and regret everyday. I looked up at Eren and he was watching me silently. 

“Once I was on the street…. I didn’t really know what to do. I kind of just stayed in quiet places, away from the public. I didn’t beg for money or food, I didn’t really look for work. I guess I was lost, and I didn’t want to be saved. I had given up-- I was malnourished, constantly on edge and I had hardly slept for weeks. I was ready to die. 

“Then I was…. saved by the boss of an underground organization. Basically, he was mafia. He pitied me, and I thought that maybe he cared. He took me in. I let him fuck me whenever he wanted and as roughly as he wanted in exchange for a roof over my head and a false sense of protection. He… he wasn’t a bad man. He did bad things, but he treated me well. I guess I was just too lost for him, and he didn’t know how to help me.” I swallowed and fought back the hurtful memories trying to resurface, pressing on with the pitiful story that happens to be my life. “Eventually, he got tired of me, just like everyone else. He handed me over to the rest of the gang, and I…. became their loyal whore. I knew that what they were doing to me wasn’t right, but after all the shit I had been through, I just couldn’t find a reason to care. The sex was rough, but in general they well all kind to me. I was basically used as a stress reliever or a pre-kill courage booster. I felt like I had a home, though. As fucking disgusting as it sounds, I felt like I belonged with them. I was accepted with them, and so I stayed. 

“I stayed for three fucking years, and they never got tired of me. The longer I stayed, the rougher the sex got. Sometimes, I would be fucked until I passed out. Other times, more than one would take me on at one time. I never complained. I just took it and tried to put my mind somewhere else. I knew that I was scum, and so I never said a word. Not even when I had three broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder... One night after a major mission, a couple of guys went a little too far… I didn’t protest because I knew that it would just make them rougher, and I was pretty silent either way. The boss ended up walking in, seeing what they had done to me, and he killed them all right in front of me. He apologized. I had never seen him apologize to anyone in three years, and I knew that he meant it. He carried me to his car and brought me to the hospital, and then he left me. He told me that if I ever went back to him, he would never forgive me. I couldn’t bear for him to hate me, so I listened.

“As it turned out, Hanji happened to be working at the hospital I was dropped off at. She hadn’t seen or heard from me in three years, not since I was kicked out and ended up on the streets, so I guess she was pretty surprised to find me broken in a hospital bed. I don’t think she could have anticipated the person I had become. Anyone would say that what happened to me had been a miracle, being able to get out alive and have another chance at life, after being a part of the mob. But I was different. I felt as though I had lost yet another home to go back to. I felt abandoned, I was angry and scared and I can honestly say that for the second time in my life, I snapped.

“I developed an extremely hostile attitude towards others, and whenever I was touched, I became aggressive. It wasn’t until I tried to kill one of my doctors that I was officially declared to be a threat to society and I was sent to the psych ward of the hospital. I didn’t leave for another year. They tried everything, but I wouldn’t talk. I refused to tell anyone what had happened to me, so instead, they decided to pump me up with enough pills that I wouldn’t remember anything at all. Eventually, I became addicted to those fucking pills, and then I had to stay in the rehabilitation ward for another 3 months. Basically, life was fucking hell. One day, Erwin and Hanji came to visit me, and something in me clicked. Since then, I’ve just been okay. Well, relatively okay. Due to all the shit I went through, I became a clean freak, but I’m sure that you’ve noticed that since you’ve been in my apartment twice now. 

“I couldn’t handle being touched. Honestly, I just started letting people touch me two years ago. Since then, I have only had sex twice. That is still hard for me, but I think you’ve got enough brains in you to know why, Eren.”

I stared at the ground for a while, waiting for a response. Oddly enough, I never got one. After a few minutes of silence, I looked up at him, and shit, he was looking right back at me. I expected pity, disgust, or at least shock, but what I got instead was much better. He stared down at me with a fucking tenderness I have never known. It was almost enough to make my vision blur with tears, but I fought them away as I saw his mouth twitch, like he wanted to ask me something. I kept eye contact, letting him know that it was okay.

“Levi, what happened? What started all of it?” 

I was waiting for this question to appear, but hoped that it never would. The answer to this question would surely push Eren away, and I knew it. Even I was surprised that he had taken my story with such grace, hell, even Erwin cringed when I got into the gritty details. And that is fucking Captain America we’re talking about. I braced myself, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. 

“I didn’t have a great home life.” I paused and laughed, but it sounded forced and unnatural. Eren ignored it. “My dad wasn’t around much, which was okay. My mom and I got by just fine for the most part. That is, until my dad did end up coming back. One day he stumbled in drunk and my mother let him in happily, thinking that he had come back because he regret leaving, and actually loved her. That’s what he told her, anyway. I thought differently, and I didn’t trust him. I was 15 years old and I knew better than to trust a man who had left a newborn child and a brand new mother. 

“At first, he didn’t really do much. He stayed at home, and didn’t really speak to either of us. But he wasn’t actually a drunk, and he wasn’t rude to us either. He just ate with us, and sat around the rest of the time. Since my mother worked two jobs, and I was working part-time on top of school, it wasn’t too hard to get by with another person in our lives. But I just didn’t understand him. He didn’t really speak to either of us, he didn’t work, he hardly even left the house. It occurred to me that maybe he was hiding from something, or from someone. I let the idea play its way through my head countless times, but I was never really sure what to do with my thoughts. 

“He had been staying with us for about six months when I finally said something. I was getting tired of him, and I knew that my mother was losing her mind over her love for this selfish fucking excuse for a man. I asked him what he was doing, and why he was doing it. I said that if he had something to hide, he could tell me, seeing as I was his son. He glared up at me, and said that I was no son of his, and he told me to fuck off. I knew that I was right, he was definitely hiding from someone. So I decided to find out who it was… what can I say, I was a little shit. 

“I finally figured it out. Without realizing, feeling too much pride in my triumph, one night I pranced in and told him everything that I had found out about him. How he had entered a bad business deal and went bankrupt, so he had to rely on some loan sharks to stay on his feet. Once he got the loan, things got worse and ultimately he couldn’t pay it back, and here he was, in hiding from being murdered. My father was obviously fucking furious, and he took his anger and frustrations out on me. It started small, the first time my father touched me, it was just a single punch to the jaw. But his anger continued to rise, and the beatings became worse. I didn’t want my mother to worry, so I actually told that bastard to beat me where she wouldn’t notice it. He was a fucking demon, but he complied. 

“He abused me for an entire year before he touched my mother. At first, I fought back, but after an entire year had passed, I began to give in and let him beat me until he was too tired to continue. He didn’t like that. He wanted resistance, and so he went for her. The first few times, he did it when I wasn’t home, so it took me a while to notice. My mother still had no idea that he had been beating me, so she never brought it up, what mother would. One night I came home from soccer practice, and she was lying on the ground with a bloody nose. I asked what had happened and she gave me some bullshit excuse about how she had tripped and smacked her face on the counter. I instantly knew what had happened, and I told my father that if he touched her again I would kill him.

 

“A couple of weeks later, I noticed that he hadn’t been beating me at all. I thought that maybe what I had said to him had made something click in him, and he had realized what an absolute jerk he was being. I actually thought that maybe my father was on the road to recovery, and would someday become a man that I could entrust my mother to, when it came time for me to leave. That is until I came home one night and found my mother so beaten that she had brain damage and two broken legs. All I remember is sobbing desperately and finding my father smiling like a madman sitting at my kitchen table. Everything else is a blur… until I see myself hovering over his body, and he is bleeding out. I killed my father that night. I stabbed him until I was satisfied that he was dead. 

“I called 911 and drove my mother to the hospital, still covered in my father’s blood, but they assumed it was her’s. I told them what he had done, and they sent out police looking for him. They never found his body though, because I hid it. I disposed of it but I honestly don’t remember it at all. That’s why when they suspected me, I was passed off as innocent, because I have no recollection of the murder or the disposal. My mother knew, though. She knew what I had done, and my father, while beating her senseless, let her know that he had been abusing me for an entire year without her noticing. 

“I don’t think it was the murder that affected her so much as knowing that she had been hoping the man in her house would come to love her while he was secretly beating her child that undid her mind. She had a complete mental breakdown, and somehow ended up mute. It was 6 months after that she kicked me out of the house. Like I said, I can’t really blame her. After all, I killed the man she loved, my own father. I killed someone, Eren. That is what happened.” 

I closed my eyes, and let the silence envelop me. He was probably disgusted. He definitely wanted absolutely nothing to do with scum like me. That’s all I fucking am, murderous scum who should be in prison for life, but here I was, telling him my fucking sob story.

I slowly turn to face him, pulling out of his embrace, which I am surprised he hasn’t yet pulled away from. I am stunned when I see tears streaming down his face, his eyes so fucking sad that in an instant, I am sobbing as well. I let the emotion overtake me, and soon my entire body is shaking as I violently sob into his chest. I have never been so open about it in my life, never said it all in one try. 

It occurs to me that it is not me who has changed, but who I am with. Eren is the reason I was able to do this, to tell my story. His eyes feel like home, and his embrace is warm and strong. I can be his rock, but I know that he is already mine. 

I look up once again to see that he is still crying, and I wipe his cheeks, and then kiss his eyes, one by one. He smiles gently, and his tears cease flowing. 

“Are you… Aren’t you afraid of me?” I look at him, searching his eyes for an answer. 

“No. I’m not afraid. You’re okay, you’re perfect. You are not scum.” He says the last sentence with a resolve that silences me completely. 

My chest is suddenly twisting and tightening in a way that I do not understand. I’m overwhelmed by the uncomfortable feeling. I’m suffocating, I can’t breathe. I try to stand, but my knees buckle and I fall to the floor in front of my carpet. I stay there, with my hands planted on the floor for support, and my breaths are shallow and uneven. 

“Levi?”

I look at him and a fresh wave of tears hits me. 

He smiles and leans forward, close enough that his mouth is placed just beside my ear. “I am so happy that you lived. I’m happy you’re here, with me. Thank you.”

“Eren….”

My entire body begins to scream at me, alerting me as to how tired my body is and I almost pass out. Well shit. I guess crying really takes a lot out of you. I haven’t cried in years, so this is a fucking first for me. The younger boy looks at me and obviously notices my drooping eyelids, because he reaches out for my arm and helps me stand. We head in the direction of my bedroom, and I fall face first into my pillow. He turns my body over, takes off my jeans and instead of throwing them to the side, he neatly folds them in a corner. Oh my god, if you weren’t already perfect, this would have made the cake. He then turns around, facing the door. I can tell that he is thinking, so I leave him to his thoughts, I’m already practically in a comatose state anyway. Surprisingly, he turns back to face me, smiling sheepishly.

“Levi?”

“Yeah, kid?”

“Would it be alright with you….if I stay?”

I open my eyes, sitting up on my elbows. I look at him for a moment and think about the answer to the question thoughtfully. I can tell he is getting nervous as his weight begins to shift from foot to foot. Honestly, I’ve never met anyone as endearing as him in my life. How can I possibly resist him?

“Stop, Eren. Stop fidgeting and get your cute ass into my bed. I’m fucking tired.”

He grins, rips off his jeans, undoing his belt quicker than I’ve ever seen anyone do it, and nuzzles in beside me. His body is so fucking warm that I instinctively shuffle inwards towards his body, and I can feel him smiling. 

I fall asleep to the sound of his even breathing, hoping that tomorrow when I wake up, he’ll be smiling down at me, and not trying to get the hell out of my house like last time. Eren, as if reading my thoughts, gently places his lips against the crown of my head. Fuck big and little spoon, my face is buried in his chest and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel so fucking safe, safer than I have ever felt in my entire fucking life, with a stranger I’ve known for all of like 8 days. Shit, we really are hopeless.

I think about how in this short amount of time, he’s become so important to me. I think about how I know that I am just as important to him, and that the connection I feel is genuine. He is slowly becoming my fucking world, and I hope that I can save him from his demons, whatever they may be. 

A hand is on my cheek, rubbing it gently and I lean in towards it.

“Sleep, Levi.”

And with that, I drift off into one of my most peaceful nights in a decade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed that (well, actually, it's really fucking sad, so no I take that back). Leave me comments if you have any concerns! It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do with Levi's character, so I hope that was satisfying.
> 
> Soon you'll be figuring out what is going on with Eren, as well!  
> Until next time!


	5. Burgers and Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry for the wait. I was having some serious writers block and didn't want to put something shitty out just for the sake of updating. 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone for the kudos and comments and everything! You're all awesome! Couldn't do it without you. :)
> 
> So this chapter is light and heavy at the same time.  
> Warning, its a little bit graphic.  
> TW: blood, abuse

A few days had passed since Eren came home with me that night. When I woke up the next morning, my face was still buried in Eren’s chest and his arms were wrapped in a death grip around my torso. Never in my life had I felt so at peace in the embrace of another, and yet I knew that I should not get used to this comfort. Eren had a long way to go before he would be ready for any sort of relationship, and I know that I also have things to sort out before I can allow myself to love another. But in that moment, wrapped tightly in the arms of that broken boy, I felt hope for the two of us, a feeling that I was unfamiliar to. 

Eren left in the early afternoon that day wearing the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I kind of expected him to just leave without a word, after I had pinned him to the ground, made him cry and then continued by informing him that I happened to be a murderer. To my surprise, he asked if I wouldn’t mind going out to lunch with him sometime later in the week, and I agreed, a little too quickly for my liking. Shit, I’m really becoming soft. 

It wasn’t until he had actually left that I realized that he hadn’t mentioned or even tried looking for the cocaine that I had left in my coat pocket. I walked over to make sure and yes, the bag was still there. Maybe Eren only uses non-prescription drugs when he is desperate? There is so much that I don’t know about him, and I have so many questions, more and more every encounter we have. Well, I suppose we’ve only really had three encounters, but that is besides the point…

It was Monday night and I was leaving classes when I got a text from Eren.

_**  
Eren 7:32 PM** _

_Hey, so are we still on for lunch? Is Wednesday okay for you? Let me know! :)_

 

I smiled, somehow happy that he hadn’t forgotten about our plans, and decided that I would reply right away.

_  
Sure, Wednesday is fine. Around 2 PM? Where do you want to meet?_

 

_**Eren 7:39 PM** _

_Great! How about we meet at Queen station at 2?_

 

His replies were really quick, just how I like them.

_Sounds good. See you Wednesday, Eren._

  


 

\--

  


 

It was Wednesday afternoon and I had just finished with classes for the day. I still had about half an hour before having to meet Eren, but it would take at least fifteen minutes for me to get to the station so I figured that I should just go straight there. Grabbing a coffee on my way, I hopped on to the subway and made it to Queen station five minutes before our meeting time. Shit, I’m later than I had hoped I would be. Damn fucking subway delays. So inconvenient. Tch.

I was sitting underneath a tree, sipping on my coffee and watching people as they walked by when I noticed something fast approaching me out of the corner of my right eye. Instinctively, my body tensed up and I whipped my head in the direction of the offender, prepared for whatever it may be. Instead of a rapist, thief or asshole teenager, I found a sweaty Eren, panting and holding on to his knees.

“Oi, what the hell happened to you? Did you sprint here?”

He took a moment to catch his breath before he looked up at me and replied, “I..uh.. well I was on my way here when I realized I had forgotten my wallet. I was on my way back home when I remembered how punctual you are, for everything. Suddenly I got really worried that if I was late, you would leave...so…”

“So what?”

“So I fucking turned around and ran here. That’s it.”

“You’re telling me you didn’t even get your wallet? Useless.”

Eren blushed a shade of red that I’d like to commit to memory and never forget. I smirked at him, secretly finding his worries quite cute.

“Don’t worry about it. Lunch is on me.”

“N-no! The whole reason for this was so that I could repay you for helping me, but I guess you’ve helped me more than once now...so I guess I owe a lot more than I did originally..um…”

“Eren. Shut the hell up. What do you want to eat?” I deadpanned. This seemed to shut him up, and he just looked up at me with those bright eyes for a moment before smiling.

“Um, actually… how do you feel about burgers?”

“They’re great. You want a burger for lunch? Usually I don’t eat so heavy early on in the day but-” I was shocked out of my speech when Eren grabbed my hand and then without a second glance started dragging me down the street. 

“What the- Oi!” I ripped my hand from his and stopped, catching him off guard. He turned around, eyes wide, but they quickly softened and he smiled at me.

“Come on, Levi. Just trust me, okay? I need you to trust me.”

I almost laughed. I had said the same thing to him less than a week ago, except instead of food we were talking about drugs and personal issues. What an interesting pair we were turning out to be. Shit. “Fine. But stop dragging me.”

He smiled, taking my hand again. “Okay.”

Before I know it, Eren is pulling me into a store while holding the door open with his other free hand. I look up to see a large sign that reads: FIVE TITANS Burgers and Fries. Weird-as-fuck name, check. He continues to pull me until we’ve reached the cash, where he orders for the both of us. I notice that the girl at the cash looks pretty familiar and as I move up to pay, I realize why. She had been the girl who looked like she would murder me if I even looked in the direction of her cookies. Right. As if to confirm my thought, the bald boy stepped out from the kitchen and smiled at us.

“Yo, Eren! Thanks for the business, bro.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Connie. Sasha probably eats so much on her shifts that no amount of my business could save you from this debt.”

The girl at the cash blushed, and in the same moment I noticed that Connie was holding an order of what looked like freshly made fries. He blushed a little too, handing it to the girl. 

“Oh, shut up Eren.”

Now that I think of it, all I’ve ever seen this girl do is eat. Not to mention the fact that she works at a burger joint… how the fuck is this girl not obese? That is some serious metabolism. Thank the fucking lord saviour that she has such great genetics. I’m a little envious, but then again, I fucking love working out, so I guess it’s okay either way. 

Eren starts to walk away, so I follow him in the direction of a table. Within five minutes, our food is ready and Eren gets up to grab both orders. I open my wrapped up burger and I won’t lie, it smells fucking amazing. I look up at Eren and burst into laughter when I notice that he is looking at his burger with more lust in his eyes than when he was ramming himself into my cock. Oh my god, am I seriously feeling jealous of a burger? What the fuck am I even doing right now….shit. Also why am I thinking about my steamy make out with Eren when there is a glorious burger in front of me? _Ignoreignoreignore._

I take a bite out of my burger and damn, that shit is good. I look up to see if Eren is also enjoying his burger but he’s looking at me, not moving. Suddenly, I feel extremely self-conscious. 

“What?”

“Two things. First, you should laugh more. It suits you and I think it is really cute.” He smiles and I can feel my cheeks warm a little. “Second, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone eat a burger as neatly as you, there is literally no sauce on your hands! Teach me your ways, o wise one!” 

“Unfortunately for you, you’re still a shitty brat. Brats tend to be messy as fuck, but don’t worry, soon enough you’ll be turning five and then things will start looking up for you.” 

He’s blushing and I’m smirking and I can honestly say that nothing has ever felt so right before. He mutters something under his breath along the lines of “not a kid” and the look on my face only grows in its level of smugness. Eren looks up at me and suddenly he is smiling that bright-eyed, brilliant smile of his that I will never get tired of. We eat the rest of our meals in silence, exchanging glances every now and then. 

I think about what Eren said. Did he seriously call me cute? I wonder if he meant it. That is definitely an unfamiliar word when thinking about ways in which others have chosen to describe me. I’m used to things more along the lines of cold, scary, bored, once someone even said murderous, but well, that was awkward to say the least. It seems that Eren is really not put off by my hard exterior, and all I have to say to that is not bad. 

Soon enough, we’re both finished and getting ready to leave. I feel a little bit more weighed down than before, but this is nothing I can’t handle. I don’t usually eat much, but every Christmas, Hanji and Erwin practically choke me to death with their baking and cooking, respectively. Christmas also happened to be my birthday, so that could also be the reason that I’m forced to hang out with them every time December 25th rolls around. 

I’m shaken out of my thoughts when I bump into Eren’s back, not noticing that he had stopped walking.

“Sorry. Why’d you stop?”

He slowly turns to face me, a little unsure of himself. “Um… would you mind coming to my place? I just wanted to grab my wallet. I’ll take you out for a coffee near my house. I have a feeling that you’ll like this shop.”

For some reason, I felt like amusing him, so I agreed. In less than twenty minutes, we were in a residential area with fairly large homes. I was actually pretty impressed, considering the fact that I expected him to be more of the starving artist type. I notice that Eren seems a bit stiff, but as we approach an empty driveway of a house, his shoulders visibly relax. Quickly, he unlocks the door and practically sprints up the stairs, noticing that I’m still at the bottom, about to take off my shoes, he says, “No. No don’t bother. Just come up, seriously.” 

I’m a little unnerved by his current behaviour but I go along with what he says. I walk up the tall staircase and into the room that he is in, rummaging through different pairs of pants in his closet. I notice, and am thoroughly disgusted by, the amount of dust that occupies Eren’s room, but soon curiosity replaces my disgust and I wonder why so much dust occupies a room that he apparently lives in. That is, unless Eren doesn’t stay here very often. That would explain why he seems so fucking agitated and is freaking me out. As if right on cue, I hear the sound of a door unlocking downstairs.

I’m about to ask Eren about it when his hand clamps over my mouth. Okay, what the fuck is going on? Are you sure this is your house Eren? No, it must be… he used a key. I meet his eyes and there is obvious panic in them. Almost immediately, the panicked look switches to one of determination and he is staring me down with frightening intensity.

“Levi. I need you to get in the closet. I need you to shut the fuck up and please, please do not leave it for any reason at all. Not until I say its alright for you to come out. Do you understand?” He is whispering, and his hand is still over my mouth, so all I can do is nod. 

A chill rushes up my spine as he closes me in his closet, but thankfully there are slits in the closet so some light is passing through the cracks. I wonder if his parents are strict about others entering their house, and that’s why he shoved me in here and practically gagged me with his hand. Eren is still frantically moving around his room, his body is so rigid that just looking at him is making me anxious and I don’t even know why. 

I hear footsteps loudly trudging up the stairs and then abruptly stopping. The sound is very close, and I’m sure that if I had a view of the doorway, the reason for those loud footsteps would be standing at the entrance of Eren’s room.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” The voice is cold and contemptuous, and it makes me uneasy knowing that the person this voice belongs to is most likely Eren’s father.

Eren hasn’t turned around, he is standing still in front of his drawers when he speaks, voice shaky. “S-sorry. I forgot something at home. I thought you would have left for your trip.”

“No, you piece of shit. I’m running late.” My blood begins to boil and I can feel my anger rising. Who the fuck does this man think he is? Does he even have any idea what his son is going through right now? Fuck, he’s probably the cause of all of these problems.

“Sorry dad. I’ll leave right now.” He still hasn’t turned from the direction of the wall. 

“Don’t you fucking call me dad! You’re no son of mine. You’re just a fucking bastard. And I’m not done with you yet.” A body appears, startlingly close to the closet door and I feel my back press harder into the wall, as if to hide myself deeper within the closet. I’m not really sure what is going on right now, but if that man sees me, Eren is definitely going to be in even deeper shit than he is already obviously in. The man is tall, maybe taller than Eren, and he has long dark brown hair. Behind his circular glasses, I can see eyes a shade of silvery-brown that unsettle my stomach. I definitely do not like this man. 

Eren finally turns around, his face expressionless and I instantly feel hatred towards the man who made him look this way. “Okay, Grisha. Just let me leave. I’ll go, you don’t have to do this right now. You must be running late.”

“Oh shut up, as if you know anything! You are fucking worthless. What an excuse for a human being.” And with that, the man lifts his arm and his fist connects with Eren’s jaw. As infuriated as I am, I’m also a little impressed that Eren hardly even staggers, regaining his composure almost instantly. He looks in my direction, as if to let me know that he’s okay, and to calm down. Shit, you should definitely not be thinking about me right now, fucking brat.

“Where the fuck are you looking? Don’t tell me that your fucking faggot boyfriend is in the closet or something? You’re still letting that fucker touch you? Disgusting! You’re fucking disgusting!” 

At first, I stopped breathing, somehow thinking that Eren’s father was aware of my presence and was about to fucking kill me or something. Not that I wouldn’t be able to defend myself, I’m just not sure how Eren would feel about me hurting one of his parents. It was pretty obvious they didn’t have a good relationship, but when I searched Eren’s eyes for hatred, there was none to be found. I knew that the man must be talking about a past lover, and instantly that horse-faced jerk came to mind. I suppose I can understand why a parent would be against a homosexual relationship for their son, but disgust was a rather strong choice of wording. I really wanted to fucking hurt this man, but I stayed in the closet.

Just as I thought that maybe his father had calmed down, he launched himself in Eren’s direction, sending two more punches at his face, and then shoving him hard so that Eren flew back into the drawer before falling to the ground. I squeezed my hands into tight fists and I could feel my nails breaking the skin of my palms as I tried to resist exiting the closet and letting this man have it for touching such a fragile human being. It’s hard to see through the slits in the closet but I can hear kicking and I know that Eren’s father is literally kicking him while he is down. What a fucking coward. What I really don’t understand is why Eren doesn’t seem to be fighting back… not just against the physical attacks but also the flurry of vulgar comments his father is throwing at him as he assaults him. 

Grisha stops moving and is breathing heavily, and I’m almost sure that he’s finished with his act of violence when he bends over, picks up Eren as if he’s nothing more than a stuffed toy and fucking _throws_ him across the room. Eren’s body hits the wall with a loud thud, and his body crumples as he falls to the floor. At this point I’ve had enough, I’m about to fucking blow and my vision is blurring from all of the rage building up inside my small body. I whip the door to the closet open and am about to jump onto this fucking monster, whose back is turned to me, when Eren screams in a shrill voice, “NO! Stop.” He is looking right at me, his eyes more serious than I’ve ever seen them, and I’m stunned in the closet doorway. For the first time in my life, I genuinely don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that if I don’t help Eren, his father will fucking kill him. But if I do help, Eren might hate me. I’m so afraid of Eren hating me that I can’t will my body to move, not at all. 

Grisha bends over slowly in front of his son and in a quiet voice, overflowing with hatred, he says, “You know that I hate you. I fucking hate you. Why won’t you just die already?” His voice is so calm that I can feel myself shaking, and I’m no longer sure if it is rage or fear. The steady yet threatening voice reminds me of my past days in the mafia, watching as men were killed like toys every day of the fucking week. “You should have fucking died, Eren. You, not her! You should be fucking dead... I hate you.” 

And with that, Grisha stands, making his way out of the room, thankfully not looking at me because I’m still standing like a dumb fucker in the closet, door wide open. I look down at Eren and I can see the blood around his body. His chest is moving so I know that he isn’t dead, but that doesn’t stop the memories from rushing to my head. Memories of my father’s face, the ache of my jaw after he had punched me, the way my skin felt when he tore it with his knife, all of it. It almost becomes too much for me when I am brought back into reality by the sound of the front door slamming.

I rush over to Eren, kneeling down by his body which now seems too small and roll him onto his back. His face is a combination of blood and tears and my heart breaks when I see the smile on his face. He is still crying as he says, “Sorry you had to see that. I’m okay, though.” His body starts shaking and his crying turns into sobs. He slowly pulls himself up and wraps his arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder. I gently lift his body onto my lap and hold him, steadying him. 

Eren’s tears don’t stop for what seems like a long time, and I can feel my seething anger for Eren’s father continue to grow. I didn’t seem to notice, but apparently Eren had, because he looked up and grabbed my shoulders as if to stop me. It was only then that I realized my shoulders were trembling. His hand cupped the side of my face as he stared at me, and I fucking swear he was looking into my soul. Due to the redness, his eyes were so bright that just looking at him took my breath away. I wiped at the tears on his face, and kissed the streaks that trailed down his golden skin. 

“P-please don’t hate him. I know you think he-” He couldn’t continue, the tears and hiccuping overwhelming his voice. 

“Eren, how can I not? He’s hurting you.”

“No… no, Levi. It.. it’s _my_ fault.” I stared at him, bewildered. How could he think that it was his fault? Had his father really made him hate himself so much that he blamed himself for his father’s abuse?

“I-I know that you don’t understand. You think I’m crazy. Just… please wait. I’ll explain. But too...tired right now.” Eren’s eyelids were drooping and I knew that he must be exhausted. I pulled him off my legs, cradled him into my arms and carried him to his bathroom, setting him down on the counter. I had to take care of his wounds before he fell asleep and got fucking blood everywhere. He had already gotten it all over my clothes. I would definitely be burning this entire outfit. 

I found a first aid kid under his sink and was shuffling through its contents when I noticed Eren starting to slump forwards. I bolted upwards, grabbing him before he fell forwards into the floor. 

“Eren, I need you to stay awake. Just for a little while. Then you can sleep.”

“Will you stay?”

“I’ll stay if you want me to, Eren.”

“Please.”

I grabbed the rubbing alcohol and started working on his face. His nose was bleeding, but not broken. He had a split lip and a split eyebrow, but neither were serious enough that I felt they would need to be stitched up; lucky for Eren, I knew how to stitch quite well. Next, I gently removed his shirt to check his torso for any bruises, seeing as I had just witnessed his father kick the shit out of him. I grimaced when I saw the dark marks that covered his body, and I prodded his ribs to make sure nothing was broken. It seemed to me that Eren’s father did enough damage that it would hurt, but never be too serious. Some of my hatred for him dissipated, as it was evident that he didn’t hate his son as much as he claimed. He was probably just some sorry bastard who didn’t know how to deal with his feelings. But I wouldn’t rush Eren into telling me, I would wait for him. I knew how hard abuse was to deal with on your own, telling others about it was nearly impossible. 

When I had finished and was satisfied that Eren was cleaned up enough, I picked him up and brought him to his bed. I removed his jeans and grabbed a pair of pajama pants from his drawers, slowly pulling them up over his toned legs. 

“Don’t need a shirt… I have a really high body temperature, anyway.” He was tugging on my hand, like a small child. Eren’s face, even when beaten, still brought feelings of pure adoration out from inside of me, from places that I didn’t even know existed.

“Levi….”

“What’s wrong?”

“I.. I have to…”

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“I need to take my pill.” His head was facing away from me, as if he were ashamed. But I understood. And I wouldn’t fight him.

“Where is the bottle, Eren?” 

He looked up at me, a mixture of surprise and gratitude in his eyes. “In my night table, second drawer.”

I quickly grabbed the bottle of xanax, removing one pill and passing it to Eren. He swallowed it dry, and smiled at me shyly. “Thank you.” 

“Try and get some sleep, Eren.”

“Aren’t you… will you sleep with me?”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you.” I noticed him flinch at my words. “I just want to clean up a little. There’s a lot of blood, some broken glass. I’ll come as soon as I’m done. But, Eren…” I paused. “When is your dad going to be back?”

He turned his face away from me again, jaw clenching. “Not for a couple days. He had to go somewhere...for business.”

“Okay, Eren. Sleep.”

“Levi.” He grabbed my hand as I began walking away. “Thank you.. I-”

“That’s okay. I’m here because I want to be.”

He smiled as he drifted off into sleep, and it set my heart at ease. 

 

\--

  


After thoroughly cleaning Eren’s room, not just the blood and glass, but also every other surface, I made my way through the rest of his house. It was surprisingly well-kept. I wondered if Eren’s mother was still around, or if his parents were divorced. I remembered him apologizing to her in his sleep, and remembered him saying something about it being his fault, but none of that really told me where she currently was. 

I walked into the large kitchen, admiring the sparkling counter-tops, and opened the fridge and pantry, which both happened to be well-stocked. I decided that when Eren woke up I would definitely have something ready for him, seeing as it was only about 6:00 PM now, and he would definitely be hungry. I was fucking French, but that didn’t mean that all I ate was cheese, wine and fucking bread. I was actually a decent cook, and I wouldn’t mind showing off a little for Eren. I found some freshly made pasta in the fridge, which I boiled and prepared a fresh sauce for. There were chicken breasts in the fridge as well, which I breaded and baked. This dinner was going to be fucking great, no doubt. 

It was just as I was turning off the stove that I heard a key turning in the door. I whipped around to face the door, expecting none other than Grisha the fucking demon Jaeger to storm in and try to kill me next. Instead, the girl with the short black hair and red scarf walked in, an obviously bewildered face when such a strong and probably fucking amazing aroma hit her senses. She looked in the kitchen, and I’m going to go ahead and say that she wasn’t expecting to find me standing in there with an apron on.

“Uh… aren’t you the sound guy from the bar? Why are you in my house?”

“Are you Eren’s sister?”

“Adopted. But ya, I am. Now can you answer my question?” Blunt, I like it.

“Well, your father just beat the shit out of Eren, and now he’s in his room sleeping. I decided that I would make him dinner, but I don’t think he’ll be getting up for a while. I was just going to go see how he’s doing, but you can help yourself to the food.”

Before I could register her movements, she had ripped off her shoes and was sprinting in the direction of Eren’s room. Wow, talk about a concerned sibling. I followed her, and caught her as she practically fell on the ground after seeing Eren’s bruised face. 

“It’s okay. I cleaned him up, and nothing is broken. In a few days, none of those bruises on his face will even be visible.”

She whipped around to face me, eyes cold and calculating. “What are you to Eren?”

“I’m nothing. I don’t really know. Friends… I guess.”

She looked down. “Okay. Thank you. My father… he doesn’t hate Eren. He’s just suffering and dealing with it in the wrong way. Sometimes I wish Eren would fight back, though. But he feels too guilty.” 

I didn’t really know how to respond. Honestly, I didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. So I just nodded, and made my way into Eren’s room. I could hear Mikasa walking back down the stairs, maybe to grab some dinner.

The smile on Eren’s face was gone, his eyebrows were knit together, and I could tell that he was in pain. I hesitated, but decided that I would remove my shirt, and maybe absorb some heat from the sleeping boy beneath me. I slowly lay down beside him, but he shifted, rolling over to press himself up against me. I wrapped my arm around his body and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. His face took on a peaceful expression, and his breathing evened out until I knew that he was out of it once again.

At that moment I realized that I would do anything for him. I would run into a burning house, swim to the depths of the ocean. Hell, I would kill again for this bright eyed boy, though I know he would never want something like that from me. 

As I let myself fall asleep surrounded by his warmth, I could feel the corners of my lips twitching up into a smile and I didn’t stop the feeling. 

  


“Fuck Eren, you’re killing me. I think I love you already.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you all next time!
> 
> I'm thinking to do Eren's POV next chapter, so that he can properly explain his situation to Levi.  
> I'm also probably going to update twice a week from now on, maybe Monday and Thursday type of thing. We'll see how it goes! 
> 
> Also I'm not really sure about this chapter, so I hope it was okay. Let me know what you think!!


	6. Sweets, Secrets and Sunrises: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh I'm so sorry this is so late !!  
> I really tried to get out a good chapter, and then it ended up being too fucking long but I refuse to settle so I'm literally posting both parts at once. Once again really sorry. Love me.
> 
> This chapter is in Eren's POV. Enjoy!!

_“Fuck, Eren, you’re killing me. I think I love you already.”_

  


Surrounded by darkness, those words rang clear in my ears. Levi? Where are you? All of my senses were failing me, and as I tried to pull myself out of the shadows, my body was overwhelmed by pain. It started as a dull ache, and then all at once my body was being lit on fire. I tried to struggle away from the pain, but I couldn’t move. I was stuck, with no where to go and nothing to do but drown in this agony.

But I needed to get to that voice. I needed to get to where Levi was, so I continued to fight against the pain, and slowly I could feel my eyelids fluttering open. The room was dark, and I was pressed up into something hard and cold. At first I figured I was sleeping against a wall, or maybe on a park bench, until I realized that I was too comfortable, and also that the park bench was breathing on me. I lifted my head and almost knocked into someones chin. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I could see that my body was pressed up against Levi’s, my head under his arm. In the darkness, his porcelain skin seemed paler than usual, contrasting with his raven black hair. His thin lips were slightly parted and his breathing was even. Oh, he’s sleeping. 

From the moment I laid eyes on Levi, I thought that he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. His brilliant silver eyes ensnared me and I’ve been caught in their sharp gaze ever since. He looked so calm when he was asleep, and I decided I would take the time to examine his face. His skin was smooth and perfect, except for a tiny white scar underneath the corner of his left eye I had never noticed before, always being covered by his wide framed glasses. Damn, he is gorgeous. 

I reluctantly dragged my eyes away from the beautiful figure beside me, searching for my alarm clock at the other end of the room on my dresser. It read 12:34 AM. 

Oh my god, how had it gotten so late? Why are we even sleeping? What-

_Oh._

And suddenly I remembered everything. Lunch with Levi, coming home to grab my wallet, my father coming home unexpectedly, and then getting beaten while Levi watched with horror from my closet. Fuck. I still remember the look on his face after he swung the closet door open, most likely about to kill my dad. Mixed in with the absolute rage and hatred, was something much softer, like understanding or empathy. Compared to his usual apathetic and arguably bored facial expression, that look really threw me for a loop. For a moment I almost forgot that my dad had just thrown me across my room into the wall. For a moment, there was only him, staring at me with wide eyes, horrified at what must have looked so very familiar to him. I looked back up at his face, wanting the peaceful expression to stay there forever. He was always protecting me, but I wanted to protect him, too. I wanted to save him from the demons he had allowed me to see.

I slowly and quietly rolled away from him, got out of bed and shuffled over to the washroom. I was not so much surprised by the disaster that was my face, but more so the fact that there was a definite lack of blood. Levi must have cleaned me up, he is a clean freak after all. I smiled at the thought. Time and time again, he saved me, but he didn’t even know what he was saving me from… he didn’t understand the depths of my problems. And he too would leave, just like everyone else. Just like Jean. Just like my friends had. 

All of the horrible feelings came rushing at me like a tidal wave. Hate, disgust, sorrow, anxiety, remorse, regret… and I was falling fast. I threw open the bottom cupboard, and then lifted the wooden floor piece, revealing my beloved drug stash. Unlike most addicts, I had a system in which I maintained my drug supply. First were the prescription bottles, a few bottles of xanax, prozac, adderall, and codeine. Next, the section containing things that were actually legal: sleeping pills, muscle relaxants, strong-as-fuck Tylenol, you name it. Finally, my personal favourite, the illegal substance section, containing cocaine, ecstasy and heroin. Apart from Armin, Jean and now Levi, no one knew I was having any problems with drugs. But none of them really knew how bad it actually was. At any given time, I was on at least one of the previously noted substances. At least one. It was becoming harder and harder to function without them, and I knew it. Don’t get me wrong, I was fucking disgusted with my dependence on substances to sustain my sanity. But in reality, I would much rather be addicted to drugs than feel the constant weight of regret and self-loathing that threatened to overwhelm me everyday. It was only a matter of time before I accidentally took too much, or mixed the wrong thing, and then my dad’s wishes would finally come true. Not that I cared, or thought that anyone else did for that matter. Don’t get me wrong there, either, I am definitely not suicidal. I just don’t care. Not one fucking bit.

Considering that I feel like absolute shit, both physically and mentally, I decided I’d go for something hard. I grabbed one of my prepared heroin syringes, because I’m a fucking organized addict, thank you very much, and grabbed out an elastic that I tightened around my arm. Before shooting up, I took a long look at the needle, but then decided it was fucking worth it, and injected the drugs into my veins. Unfortunately, I have been using heroin for so long that it hardly even affects me anymore when using such small doses. But the unkind thoughts were definitely gone, and that was good enough for me. At first using heroin had been almost euphoric, now it was just enough to keep my mind away from certain things and that was okay. I padded my way back into the bedroom to find Levi sitting up, staring at me. 

The lamp beside my bed had been turned on, and in the small light I could see his perfect upper body. He was definitely small, but lacking in muscle he was not. His arms, chest and abdomen were all muscle, but in a lean and beautiful way that I think only Levi could possibly ever achieve. My eyes trailed up to his face, and he was staring at me, looking me right in the eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Eren. How are you feeling?”

I was doing fucking great, thanks to the heroin, but I wouldn’t mention that. “I’m okay, thanks.” 

He didn’t really seem convinced, or at least I didn’t think so. His face hardly shows any emotion at all, so the only way that I can ever read what he’s feeling is through his eyes. But in this semi-darkness, it was hard to tell. His eyes trailed down my face, lingering on my neck, and then on my chest, my stomach, my waistline…. Levi was fucking sexy, whether he knew it or not, but I was pretty sure I had a hard on from just him looking at me. Oh my g-

“Seriously?” His eyes shot back up to mine, accusing. 

“What?”

“Your arm.”

I looked down to my arm. Shit, I had forgotten about the elastic. Fuckfuck _FUCK_ , I never make mistakes like this, shit. I tried to think of something to say, some way to hide what I had just done, but I couldn’t. I may have developed some tolerance, but not enough to come up with a lie good enough to fool Levi. Anyone else, sure, but not him.

“Eren, were you seriously going to come in here and shoot up? While I was sleeping?”

“No, I-”

“You already did.”

I tried not to let my eyes widen at his words. How the fuck did he know everything without even trying? I looked down at my feet, and slowly moved my arm to remove the elastic from the other. Well, this is pretty fucking awkward I would say. I looked back up at him, expecting anger, but received hurt. Hurt was so much worse than anger, than fury, hurt cut deep into me and left the knife there for good. I never could have anticipated such a look from him, but now that I had seen it I was filled with guilt. Oh my fucking god I’m a monster. Oh god, _oh god_. 

“No, wait, Eren. It’s okay.” He was trying to soothe me after I betrayed him. No, I’m the fucking worst. I’m a bad friend, a bad brother, a bad son, a bad lover. I should just be alone. I could feel everything crumbling, the drugs suddenly losing their effects all too fucking soon. I was crashing and burning, right in front of Levi.

“Eren. Look at me. Now.”

I slowly dragged my eyes away from my feet, up to his face. Slowly, Levi picked himself up off my bed and walked over to me. He lifted his arm and I flinched back, but his hand touched my face gently, wiping away a tear I hadn’t realized I had shed. 

“I’m sorry. I’m not angry at you, you just remind me of the old me is all. It kind of scares me. It’s not your fault. I’m just worried about you.”

Suddenly I remembered the words that had pulled me out of the darkness. _I think I love you already._ Levi had said that, about me. Everything in my body was telling me not to believe it, we hardly even knew each other. But somehow I knew that he was telling the truth, and I knew that I was starting to feel something for the man too. What confused me was that it wasn’t the fiery passion that I felt towards Jean in the beginning, it was like a slow burn that had appeared somewhere deep within me and was slowly overwhelming my entire being. To be honest, the feeling scared me in just how strong it was, but somehow Levi made me feel safe, and so I didn’t really fight it.

“Hey, wanna go out for coffee?”

He looked at me, dumbfounded. “Okay first of all its like 1AM. Second I fucking cooked for you while you were passed out.”

All at once, the fire fucking exploded and overtook my whole body. Oh my fucking god this man cooked for me. I can’t say that I am as obsessed with food as Sasha is, but none the less food is good shit and anyone that can cook is alright in my books. “Y-you cooked.. for me!?”

“Yes, you little shit. Are you not hungry?”

I practically sprinted down the stairs. As soon as I entered the kitchen, my nostrils were assaulted by the most delightful smell that I could possibly imagine. I looked into the first closed pot and found some beautiful ass pasta, waiting for me to devour it. In the next pan were some breaded chicken breasts, oh my GOD food holy shit wow. 

“Did you already eat, Levi?” I noticed that some of the food, well, almost half of the food, seemed to be missing.

“No, but Mikasa probably did.” 

I spun around to face him. “You met Mikasa?”

“Yeah, she came in while I was cooking.”

“Wait. She didn’t like, attack you or something?”

“Not as far as I can tell.”

This man can cook and my sister didn’t try to kill him the first time they met. Thank you Jesus, fucking thank you. I spun back around, grabbing myself a plate and haphazardly flinging one at Levi, which he caught effortlessly. I piled some pasta on to my plate, grabbed a piece of chicken and didn’t even bother going to the table before I started eating. I was leaning against the table shoveling food into my mouth when I heard the “tch” that escaped Levi’s lips. Oh wow, this is really fucking rude. I have a guest, I guess.

“Oh, sorry. Let’s sit at the table and eat.”

I quickly made my way over to the table -- Levi sat across from me, watching me, expectantly waiting for me to react to his food in some way. I twirled some pasta around my fork, and put it in my mouth, this time actually letting the food linger on my tongue to absorb the flavours properly. Garlic, basil, tomatoes and oil were perfectly mixed in to make this sauce and I was in fucking heaven, a pleased hum escaped my mouth and I saw Levi’s lips twitch. That was his way of smiling, and I found it incredibly endearing. 

I ate my food slowly, appreciating each bite. I looked up every once in a while so that I could watch Levi eat his own meal. I had never in my life witnessed someone eat with such precise movements, it was like fucking watching someone model for food. At one point I’m pretty sure I started drooling, but if he noticed, he didn’t mention it. We ate our meals in a comfortable silence that I was becoming accustomed to and before I knew it, my plate had been emptied. I mourned the loss of delicious food, pouting up at Levi.

“Oi, stop looking cute.”

I blushed. I was still amazed at how fucking blunt this man was. “Y-you find me cute?”

“Of fucking course I do. Why else would I stick around?”

I could feel my blush going a deeper shade of red and soon I was so warm I thought I might pass out. Oh my fucking god this man. He makes me want to give him my whole world, my body, my soul, my stash of drugs, even my fucking chocolate. 

I smiled. “Levi.”

He looked at me, raising an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. 

“Will you go out for coffee with me?”

He smirked. “So I take it we’re not sleeping tonight?”

“Let’s go.”

 

\--

 

A little while later we were outside of my house, bundled up in our coats and scarves, making our way to the coffee shop. It was pretty fucking cold out, considering that it was only the first week of December and technically winter hadn’t started yet. There was no snow yet, but that didn’t mean that the cold didn’t bite like a bitch. Luckily, my body temperature was high as fuck and so the cold didn’t really affect me like it did most people, but Levi was visibly shivering and I grabbed his hand and rubbed it between both of mine in attempt to warm him a little. He looked at me with warm eyes and made no attempt to remove his hand from the two of mine. After a while, I let one hand fall to my side and curled my fingers through Levi’s. He hummed and lightly squeezed my hand. His hands were cold but somehow comforting.

Soon enough, we reached my favourite coffee shop. This place was open 24 hours a day, every day, and I found it really fucking convenient. I looked at Levi and he was practically laughing, but I didn’t know why. “What is it?”

“You’ve really done it now, Eren.”

And all of a sudden I was pushed out of the way, Levi gripping my hand so that I wouldn’t fall over. I quickly regained my bearings, and looked up to see the offender. A girl with messy brown hair in a ponytail with some pretty intense glasses was staring at Levi with a manic grin on her face. She was about an inch from Levi and he looked so fucking annoyed that I thought he was going to headbutt her. 

“LEVI!!!!!!!! What are you doing here, my baby!?”

Baby? Uh…

“Shut the fuck up, shitty glasses.”

The woman turned, realizing that Levi was not alone. She looked me up and down, her grin growing three times in size. I was actually worried that her face was hurting with how wide that smile was. She turned back to Levi, bouncing up and down.

“Oh my god!!! He’s gorgeous. He’s yours!!?! Really???” 

“Tch. Don’t act like he’s not right here. Eren, this is my freaky as fuck friend, Hanji. Shitty glasses, this is Eren.”

I smiled at her, a little shy but mostly afraid of the loud and overly interested woman. “Um hi.”

“Oh my god, you’re so cute… Oh Levi, Erwin will love this.”

“Erwin?”

Levi turned in my direction, his eyes a little apologetic. “Hanji and Erwin have been my friends for a long time. Erwin actually owns this shop.”

Oh. We walked into the shop, the door jingling lightly behind us, and I noted that for two in the morning, business seemed pretty good. Hanji skipped over to the cash register, flung herself over the counter and jumped on the man whose back was turned away from us. Considering the fact that I came here a lot, I recognized this man as someone who was basically always working, no matter what time I came, but I suppose I had never really paid attention to him, aside from the fact that he was a nice guy who made me fucking awesome coffee. 

“ERWIN. Look!! Levi brought Eren to see us!!!!!!”

Erwin turned around, looking almost startled at Hanji’s words. Was it really that weird that he brought someone to meet them?

“Actually, he brought me here. Eren loves your shop, apparently.”

Erwin turned to face me, a proud smile on his face. “I’m so happy to hear that.” Taking a good look at this man, I was struck at how attractive he actually was. He was tall, blonde and built like a fucking tank. He had clear blue eyes, and cheekbones that could slice like a fucking knife. Overall, this man was a fucking model and I was really fucking jealous that him and Levi were friends. In the back of my mind, I remembered Levi telling me that it was Erwin and Hanji who had helped him pick himself up after being at rock bottom. Erwin was smiling at me now, face calm, kind and composed.

“Hello, Eren. I’m Erwin. It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Um, hi. Eren.” I smiled back in return.

“Okay, okay. That’s enough awkward introductions for one day. Eren, what do you want to drink?” Levi looked me in the eye, sensing my discomfort, and I look at him, thanking him silently. 

“Don’t worry Levi. I know his order. He’s a regular.” Erwin beamed at Levi, and I could feel my heart clenching. Don’t smile at him like that. Wow, I’m really one jealous son of a bitch.

“Tch. Whatever.”

“Aw, honey, I know your order too.” Erwin wiggled his eyebrows at Levi, causing the shorter man to smirk and laugh a little. Okay, if I was a little jealous before, I was definitely jealous now, holy fuck. 

We waited a few minutes for our drinks, Erwin and Hanji slaughtering Levi with questions about how he was doing and if he had been eating okay. I smiled a little, thinking that they were almost like parents to him. It was comforting to know that Levi had people to look out for him, people that really cared for him. It set my heart at ease, even though I wanted to become someone that could look out for him as well.

Erwin handed us both of our drinks, and then we said our goodbyes, heading out of the shop. I was a little bit ahead of Levi, but when I felt his hand tugging on mine, I turned back to face him.

“Hey, do we have to go back to your place?”

I stared at him, a little confused by the question. “Why? Did you want to go to your apartment?”

“No. I have an idea, come on.” 

And so I let him lead me into the unknown, hopelessly happy at just the fact that his hand was still in mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 will be Eren's story woohoo yay!!!!  
> Actually it's sad as fuck but then things get cute so no worries.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who actually reads this, you are all so wonderful!
> 
> Also I wonder if Eren actually sounds like Eren?


	7. Sweets, Secrets and Sunrises: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, this is part two of the last chapter. Sorry they are both shorter than usual, but I actually meant for them to be one chapter and then it turned out to be way too long... so I am posting them both at once.
> 
> Forgive me!! It is also 5AM and I'm not sure that anything is processing in my head anymore. Sorry about that.
> 
> Eren's POV again. 
> 
> Shit is about to get angsty friends.

We walked, hand in hand for what felt like a long time, but in reality it had probably only been about 15 minutes. Time passed by slower when I was with Levi, allowing me to relish in each moment individually. I was stunned when I realized where we actually were, so much so that I almost dropped my coffee, even though it was almost finished now. In front of me was a large park, not one that would be particularly interesting for children, but it was peaceful and quiet and the trees swayed in the wind just the way that I remembered them. Then I looked at Levi, and I'm not sure what kind of expression I was making, but I was fucking breathless. He had unknowingly brought me to an old sanctuary of mine, a place that I held incredibly dear, a place that I had been hiding from. He must have noticed the change in my facial expression, because he looked alarmed when he turned to face me.

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“No… my-” I paused, sucking in a breath. “My mother and I used to come here often.”

“Oh. We can go somewhere else. I’m sorry.”

“No, some of the best memories of my life happened here. I just haven’t come back since… I was always too afraid. But here I am.” I looked down at my feet, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. I knew that attempting to stop them would be futile, so I acquiesced, letting the tears fall. 

“Eren, I’m sorry. I- I don’t understand…”

Of course he didn’t. He had told me all about his life, and I almost felt as though his struggles were my own. There was a bond between us that no one else could be a part of, but in order to complete the bond, I would have to accept him as well. Trust him, like he had trusted me.

  


“Hey, Levi? Are you busy?”

He looked a little confused. Then gave me his usual smirk. “I think my schedule is free, why?”

I took his hand in mine, and didn’t bother to wipe the tears from my face. I knew that they wouldn’t stop for a while, so there was no point wiping them away just yet. I brought him over to a large forest near the back of the park, past the pond and behind a large cherry blossom tree, walking to a particular tree and stopping in front of it. I gripped his hand a little tighter.

“This was my mother’s favourite tree. When I was younger, we would always come here together, sit in this tree and watch people go by.”

“Sorry, but how the fuck did you get up this tree? Are you part dinosaur?”

“Calm down, short stack, there’s steps at the back of the tree.”

He glared at me, but there was no venom in it. His eyes were softer than usual and I wondered if it was because I was crying or just because we were alone together in a place that used to belong to me and my mother. 

I started climbing up the tree, Levi following closely behind me. At the top, there was a thick, flat section where a large branch jutted out of the tree, with enough room for two people to sit on. I pulled my legs over the branch, then extended my arm out for Levi to grab it. He huffed, pulling himself up and stumbling a little, almost falling into my lap. I chuckled, smiling down at him. If it was anyone else, they would probably be embarrassed, but he just looked at me like it was the most natural thing in the world to fall over into people’s laps. We just sat there for a while, sitting, his body pressed up against mine, his head leaning against my arm. When I noticed his shivering, I pulled him into my lap, though he did protest a little. I wrapped my arms around his body, and nuzzled my head into his neck. It was a little out of the blue, but I decided I would answer the question he was probably trying to ask. 

“When I was 18, my mother died. If you were wondering.”

Levi turned his head to face in my direction. Without saying a word, he kissed my cheek, sending a shiver up my body. 

“Eren, you don’t have to talk about it. I don’t want you to feel like because I told you my story, you have to tell me yours right away.” 

“This isn’t right away. It’s almost been a week.”

“Little shit. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, Levi, I do. But I want to tell you. I don’t really know why, but you make me feel safe. For the first time in a long time, I’m not afraid that if I show someone who I really am, they’ll leave me. I trust you, Levi.” 

Because his back was pressed up into my chest, I could feel him suck in a breath harshly. I could also feel the way his heart beat picked up instantly, and for a minute I was worried that I had said the wrong thing. I had a tendency to fuck things up, or actually, fuck everything up. But when Levi pressed his back further into my chest, I knew that I hadn’t. 

“Okay.” That was all he said, but it was enough for me. So I began.

“Growing up, I had always moved around a lot. My dad works for the government, and so we were constantly getting relocated. It’s not that I really minded, I found it fun to live in different cities, and my mother always managed to find the most beautiful and exciting places to bring me to. My dad is brilliant, he’s a top researcher and he does some pretty cutting edge work. It is also really controversial work, and so he made a lot of enemies. When I was about 15, we were living in a town called Shiganshina. It was pretty small, but there was a lot of crime. I won’t exactly say that I ran with delinquents, but actually, I guess I did. I was in something like a gang, but we were basically just a bunch of misunderstood teenagers that needed to kill time. We fucked around, did what we wanted, but we never got caught. One night, me and some of the guys were walking through the back alleys when we heard screaming. I had some sick need to protect that night, and so I sprinted towards the noise, to find a couple of thugs surrounding a girl who looked my age. She was cowering against a wall, with wide, tear-filled eyes, staring down at two slumped bodies on the ground. Judging by their sizes, I assumed they were her parents. I don’t really know what happened to me that night, I kind of just went berserk and I ended up beating the shit out of those guys and picking up the girl, throwing her over my shoulder and bringing her home. That girl was Mikasa, and she’s been my sister ever since. My parents took her in like their own daughter, and we all became really close. Soon enough though, we were moving again. 

“I was 16, almost 17 when we moved here. My dad had said that things finally slowed down at work, and he was now working on a long term project, so he didn’t think we would be moving until Mikasa and I had finished high school, if it was even that soon. For the first time in my life, I was able to enjoy making friends, knowing that I could actually keep them for some time. I made a lot of friends, and I fell in love. I can honestly say that I was really fucking happy. I had no complaints in the slightest, and that is when life decided to fuck with me. 

“I noticed my dad slowly becoming more and more tense as time went on. I was in my final year of high school and everything seemed to be going just fine when my parents started fighting a lot. I figured they were just having problems with their marriage due to the fact that my dad was basically always working. I actually felt bad for my dad, not knowing that the real reason they were constantly fighting was because the government had asked my dad to work on some top secret shit which to this day I am still not allowed to know about. My mother was afraid, not only for my father, but for me and Mikasa as well. I was unaware at the time, but apparently we had been receiving some nice words from my father’s fan club, and by that I mean death threats. 

“One day in early April I came home from school alone, Mikasa had soccer practice and Armin was at the library researching marine animals or some other weird shit. I didn’t think anything of the fact that my front door was slightly ajar when I came home, not until I saw three men in my living room, two pinning my mother to the ground while the other pointed a knife at her. I don’t really remember much other than the feeling of adrenaline pumping through my body and also the sound of bones cracking as I beat the shit out of those men. Unlucky for me, their weapons were stronger than fists, and so in not too long, I had been stabbed multiple times, in multiple places, and my blood was pooling around me. I remember my mother shrieking and struggling against one of the men who was holding her back as another pointed a knife at my throat and taunted her. I would have been too weak to fight against two, but I had already knocked one out, and I was feeling feisty, so I threw that ass hole for a loop, swinging my leg up and bending his knee backwards, grabbing the knife and stabbing his thigh. 

“After that stunt, they had had enough of me, and decided they would silence me by hurting mom. It worked. They dragged the knife lightly across her cheek, but enough that it cut and bled. Seeing the blood running down her face was like running into open gunfire. My mom was everything to me, and so I gave in. I begged, pleaded for them to hurt me and not her. One of them dragged me by my leg into my father’s office, and asked me to show him all the files about his new project. Unfortunately, I actually didn’t know. This project was off limits, even to me. The only one knew who anything was my mother, but I wouldn’t tell them that. 

“Basically, the ass hole didn’t believe me, and ended up beating me senseless until he knew for sure that I actually knew nothing. Then he dragged me back out and threw me at my mother. I don’t really know what happened, or where I got the strength from, but I knew that since I had turned out to be useless, they would go for my mother next. She had already been kicked and beaten, but at least there weren’t eight stab wounds in her body like there were in mine. With my last remaining strength, I somehow managed to grab the fucker’s knife, stab his other leg, and kick him in the head, knocking him out. The other guy was apparently just a follower, and so as soon as his boss was taken out, he ran like the little bitch he was.

“I fell to the floor, exhausted and suffering from extreme blood loss. My mother rushed over to me, ripping her dress and tying knots around all of the wounds on my body. It was then that I realized how pale she was...”

I paused, trying to fight away the tears that were blurring my vision, and making my throat feel too thick to breathe.

“It was also then that I noticed the dark red that was staining her dress around her stomach. At first I thought it was my blood, but then my mother passed out. All I remember after that is dragged myself on the ground to my phone, and calling my dad.”

I let out a loud and heavy exhale.

“I woke up in the hospital alone one night. At first, everything was unclear, and I couldn’t remember what the fuck I was doing in the hospital, or even what had happened that would have landed me in the hospital at all. As soon as I remembered, though, I fucking ripped out every IV that had been in my arms and tried to fling myself out of bed. I say tried because as soon as my legs touched the ground I collapsed. It was basically as if I had never walked before and initially I thought that I was a fucking paraplegic, until I noticed the tingling in my legs. I dragged myself out of the room, gripping the walls for support. 

“I can’t say I was prepared for the shocked looks I got from the nurses. Three women in green scrubs sprinted at me, assaulting me with their questions and I still had no idea what was going on. They brought me back to my room and sat me down in my bed, ignoring my questions about my mother. It was then that I was informed I had been in a coma. In another week, it would be an entire year since I was first brought to the hospital.

“At first, I didn’t fucking believe it. There was no way it had been a year, but then I noticed that my hair hung past my shoulders, and it was starting to make sense why I had been unable to walk. My muscles had deteriorated, and my skin was paler than I had ever seen it. The nurses left me alone, and before I knew it my father, Mikasa and Armin whipped open my door and ran into the room. All three of them were crying, and then I was crying too. I fucking sobbed for what felt like hours, so thankful just to be alive after the hell that I had been through. After crying so long, and my body not being used to exerting so much effort, I fell asleep almost instantly.

“I woke up the next morning and all three of them were still there, staring down at me. The first thing I did was ask about how mom was doing. I still remember how my father’s face twisted in pain, how tears welled up in Mikasa’s eyes and how Armin had to turn away from me. My father told me that when he got my call, I begged him for help before going silent, and when he got home, he found the bloody disaster that had been left. The two men that I had knocked out were still on the ground, and so my father called the police. They were arrested, and are still in prison today. 

“The first thing my father saw when he entered the house was my body, and the pool of blood that surrounded it. My mother’s body was hidden from his sight, and so he didn’t see her until he rushed over to me. My father was not only a scientist, but a doctor, and so he called the ambulance, but began working on us right away. I had lost so much blood that my body had gone into shock, and many of my organs had been cut by that bastard. It took four surgeries and two blood transfusions before I was stabilized, and by that I mean in a long term coma. At first, they were hopeful that I would actually recover quickly. But after three months, the prospects appeared bleak, and after six, my family had all but lost hope. 

“I remember stopping my dad from his speech, begging him to tell me where mom was... All I remember is him saying ‘She’s gone Eren, she’s gone.’ My mother had died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. She bled out, but clung to my body until all the blood had dripped from hers. 

“After that, I lost my will to live. I had tried so hard to protect my mother, and in the end, she died anyway. To say that I was traumatized would be an understatement. I hardly slept and I ate even less. My health, although not great to start out with, deteriorated to dangerous lows. All the while, my father was like a light in the darkness, supporting me until I could stand on my own. And slowly but surely, he pulled me out of the darkness entirely. I finally started to get back on my feet when his attitude towards me started to shift. 

“Instead of seeing me as the miracle that lived, he started to see me as the one that lived instead of his wife, the one who didn’t fight enough to protect her. At first, he just stopped talking to me, and became more distant. I thought that it wouldn’t last for too long, and so I didn’t really worry about it. I tried to support my dad like he had supported me, but then he became hostile. He would abuse me with words, and then eventually he started abusing my body. He wishes that I had died in her place, and I can’t say that I don’t wish the same thing… but it hurts me all the same.”

I slowly breathed in, and then out, acknowledging the end of my story. My father had been abusing me for over two years now, and I feared that it wouldn’t stop until either I died or he did. 

“Not a day goes by that I don’t regret not dying in her place. If I could trade places, I would any day. She was my sun. Without her, I don’t know how to function on my own. That explains the drugs and street fighting… Basically I’m just waiting for the day that I’ll see her again. Sometimes I wonder if I should just speed up the process and take matters into my own hands.” 

Levi’s shoulders tensed a little at my words, but then relaxed as he turned his body to face mine. He pressed his forehead up against my own, and his eyes were closed. 

“Eren.” He paused, inhaling. “I am so fucking sorry that you couldn’t save her, but it is not your fault. You almost died trying, and if that doesn’t say how much you love her then I don’t know what does. There’s a reason you are alive Eren. She protected you. You are supposed to continue living. She loved you, oh god, she loved you and she wouldn’t want you to throw away your life for this.” 

It wasn’t until I noticed his tears that I realized that I was also crying. God, Levi brought such raw emotion out of me and I didn’t know how to deal with it. He was the strongest drug I had ever experienced and I was fucking hooked. I needed him. He saw me, really saw me, with my doors wide open, revealing all the nasty skeletons and all the darkness festering inside, and he walked through the doors with his head held high. 

I lunged forward, grasping his lips with my own. His lips were soft and gentle against mine, and I could faintly taste the salty tears that continued to stream down his cheeks. I wiped them away, still kissing him. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and pulled himself onto my lap, closing the distance between us. His chest was pressed up against mine, and I could feel his heart pounding against his chest. I nipped at his bottom lip, and as he opened his mouth for breath, I captured his tongue with my own. I could taste the coffee, but also a sweetness that was distinctively Levi. 

I let myself drown in his kiss, moving my hips slightly and earning a soft moan from him. I trailed my hands up his legs, under his coat and over his back. As he kissed his way down my jawline down to my neck, sucking and licking at the skin there, I dragged my nails down his back, making him shudder in my hands. He ground his hips into mine and I could feel him, all of him. Kissing Levi wasn't just pleasure, it was fucking everything. I pulled away, needing air, and saw him breathing hard, his pupils blown wide. I placed one kiss on his lips before I spoke.

“Levi. Turn around.”

As I helped him shift his body so that his back was pressing into my chest, I heard him gasp silently at the sight before him. As if we were in some cliche as fuck movie, the sun was rising right in front of us, the light blues, oranges and yellows cutting through the darkness of night. Slowly but surely, the sun made its way up into the sky, and the moon clocked out for the day. 

We sat there until the sun was almost completely over the horizon, watching the beautiful sky in silence. Somewhere deep inside of me, I wished that this wouldn’t be our last sunrise. I wished for endless sunrises and sunsets with him. 

“Levi?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t leave. Please don't leave me.”

He chuckled a little at that, and at first I was confused at how that could be taken as amusing. “Eren, even if you set me on fire, I could never leave you alone. I’m yours for as long as you want me.”

  
And that was all I needed. He was all I needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I hope that was okay. I hope everyone is okay because I literally cried while writing this but then again maybe I am fucking ridiculous.
> 
> The next chapter will be fluffy hopefully and I can pick this up from the spiral of eternal angsty angst.  
> THEN SEX. Sex is approaching. 
> 
> I need sleep...see you soon lovers.
> 
> Also thank you to everyone who reads this fic and I hope you are all enjoying the ride as much as I am!! Your kudos and comments mean a lot to me, even if I try not to show it (tsundere bitches where u at)
> 
> Ok. Sleep.


	8. Resolve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi get a little nasty and a little cute.  
> Also, Eren makes his resolve.

I woke up to the sound of a loud thud. Forcing my eyelids apart, I tried to find the source of the noise, but all I could see was black. Then a loud groan, and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see Eren lying on the ground beside my bed, twisted into a pretzel with my bed sheets. 

“Owww… it hurts.”

“Oi, its fucking cold.” I deadpanned. He looked up at me, rubbing his jaw, without a hint of remorse in his eyes. Fucking brat.

“Excuse me, but I’m the one that just fell off the bed because you’re hogging the whole thing even though I am twice your size!” 

He tried to glare at me and I couldn’t help but chuckle. Eren really did look like shit. His usually messy hair was on a totally different level than usual, going out wildly in just about every direction possible, half curly and the other half straight. One of his eyes was open, the other shut as he rubbed at it like a sleepy child. 

“What?” I focused my gaze on him.

“Nothing, you look cute when you fall violently out of my bed. Now come back.”

As Eren untwisted the blankets from his body and pulled himself back into bed, I heard him mumble something along the lines of “strange bastard” under his breath. As if I couldn’t see the stupid grin plastered onto his face. Instead of chewing him out as per usual, I decided to grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him in for a kiss. Usually I wouldn’t let him anywhere near my mouth before he brushed his teeth, because fucking ew, morning breath is gross, but I wanted a kiss, and I was going to get what I wanted. Apparently he was surprised by this, not prepared for the grabbing, and ended up falling on top of me. Blushing hard, he squirmed in an effort to get off of me, but I pulled him back down.

“L-Levi.. mmph.. I’m too heavy!”

“No, you’re the perfect weight. Shut up so I can kiss you.” 

It had been a few weeks since Eren and I had first met, and it was now about a week until Christmas. For a couple of basket cases, I would say that things were going fairly well. When I first met Eren, he was so thin that he was bordering sickly, but now he had picked up some weight thanks to my cooking, and he was looking really fucking hot. Damn. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, our bodies pressed together tightly. His hands were all over me, on my legs, behind my neck, underneath my shirt. I traded my arms wrapped around his neck for a firm grip on his ass. Trailing my hands down the sides of his body, I could feel him shiver as I spread my hands out over both cheeks, giving them a hard squeeze. Eren moaned into my mouth, grinding his hips down into mine. Ugh, I lived for this shit. He continued grinding into me, desperate for friction. Feeling his rock hard erection rubbing against mine did nothing but pour oil onto the raging fire that was my sex drive. Our kiss became more needy and aggressive, my tongue explored the walls of his mouth as he panted over me. 

Eventually, not satisfied with how our height difference affected his ability to grind against my body, Eren scooped me up, sat up and placed me on his lap. While he busied himself with marking my neck, I figured I would tease his nipples. Through the fabric of Eren’s shirt, I rubbed and flicked at them, paying extra attention as they grew hard, and when Eren bit down hard on my collarbone, attempting to stifle a moan, I knew I was doing a damn good job. 

“Hnnn, Levi…”

“What is it?” I pulled his face away from my neck, connecting our lips roughly, wanting nothing more than to share my breath and saliva with his. He pulled my body into his, so that I was clamped against him, and as he kissed me back fervently, he snapped up his hips, making me gasp for air.

“Levi.. can we- can I touch you?” He stared at me with half-lidded, lust filled eyes.

I slid one of my hands down to rub over his raging hard on, and he whimpered. Eren fucking whimpered. “What do you want, Eren?” I purred into his ear.

He rested his head against my neck, brought his hands from my hips to my erection, and palmed me. I shuddered, and bit down on his ear lobe. “Nnnh… please Daddy, give me your cock.”

Did Eren just call me Daddy? Considering the fact that neither of us have particularly fantastic relationships with our fathers, or in my case, was-father, I never anticipated Eren calling me that, not even if it was fueled by lust. I can tell that he hadn’t either, because he had pulled away and was staring, wide eyed with a ridiculous blush spread across his face. Unfortunately for my father, I didn’t seem to give a fuck, or rather, I felt as though my cock had just been struck by lightning. Eren was so fucking hot and he had just called me Daddy and I was ready for this shit.

I pushed him down, simultaneously grabbing the hem of his pants, sliding them down along with his boxers in one fluid movement. “L-Levi! Wait!” My eyes shot up to Eren’s face immediately, worried that he wasn’t okay with what was happening. 

“Is.. is this okay? I know you don’t like touching. You don’t- We don’t have to do this.”

He wasn’t uncomfortable, he had been thinking about me. Judging by the raging hard on that had flung up so fast after being released from captivity that it was almost comical, I knew how bad Eren wanted, needed to be touched. But he was still considering my feelings over his own. What a fucking brat.

“You are fucking amazing.” I leaned in to kiss him, and pulled away, my lips only a centimetre from his. “But don’t worry, Daddy is going to take care of you.”

Eren’s body trembled and I saw his cock twitch in anticipation. I reached out, wrapping my entire hand around his length and giving one slow pump. He threw his head back, moaning at just one touch. Fucking adorable. I moved my hand up to the head of his cock, smearing the beads of precum over his length to reduce the friction and started to quicken my pace. He was writhing underneath me and I could feel my own erection begging to be released from it’s cage. As if right on cue, Eren placed his hand over mine, halting my movements. 

“Levi, I want to touch you.. can I?”

Fucking hell, he sounded so desperate for my cock that I may or may not have just cum in my pants. I guess I’m about to find out. Pray for Levi and all that shit. Keeping one hand on Eren’s leaking cock, I used the other to undo the knot tied into my bottoms, and Eren eagerly helped me in ripping them off. Lucky for Eren, I don’t sleep in underwear. I looked down at Eren, nervous about his reaction to my lower body. He was fucking staring.

“Oi, never seen such a fine penis before?”

“N-no, actually.. ahh..” I had moved my hand, maybe on purpose. “You are so.. nnh.. beautiful, Levi.” 

His hand wrapped around my entire length, which was throbbing rather painfully by the way, and he began to pump my erection, quickening his pace. 

“Aahh, hah.. Eren, f-faster.” I was moaning shamelessly, I couldn’t give a fuck less. I was currently blissed out and I’d be damned if I was going to muffle my voice, hindering me from giving Eren the full effects of my lust. Apparently, though, he really enjoyed the sound of my voice, and wanted more. 

He abruptly pulled his body up into a sitting position, catching me off guard. I was about to fall back when he grabbed me with one hand, and I gasped loudly as I felt his cock press against mine, his other hand holding them together. I practically whined at the contact, leaning in to make it easier for him to jerk us both off together. Eren had big fucking hands if he could hold both of our cocks in one hand, and I knew mine weren’t even close to large enough, so I figured that I would just enjoy the show. For additional friction, I rolled my hips and ground down into Eren, and as he rubbed our cocks together, his head rolled back in a silent moan. God, he looked so fucking sexy all the time. Definitely fuckable, 10/10 would fuck. 

“Hhhnn.. aah, Levi... So good, d-don’t ever sstop.” 

By the way that his stomach muscles were contracting, I could tell that he was about to blow, so I decided that I would take the reigns and finish this. I took our lengths into both of my hands, jerking in a steady fashion that was driving Eren wild. His hands had moved to my hips to help maintain my balance, but now I could feel his nails digging into my skin. 

“Oh my ggg-god, nnnhh.. I want to cum.”

I pulled him into a kiss, desperate for the soft touch of his lips on mine. He swiped his tongue over my lower lip, and allowing him entrance into my mouth, his tongue was on mine. I continued to quicken the pace, and Eren was moaning, loudly, into my mouth. I knew that he could cum any moment, and I was starting to feel the heat pool at the bottom of my abdomen, letting me know that I was just about ready as well.

“Then cum, Eren.” I whispered right against his lips.

“Hhnnn.. aahh, I want to cum w-with you.”

That was enough. I could feel my ability to reason snapping in half, and I was pumping quickly, grinding wildly into Eren and he was fucking screaming. I could feel his body shaking, and he continued to shake as he came hard, chanting my name in an almost incoherent lusty moan. I continued to pump our lengths, allowing Eren to ride out his orgasm and soon I was cumming too. White heat filled my body and I was twitching as I came, Eren holding my body so that I wouldn’t fall back. I looked at his wrecked expression and smiled, knowing that I had done well in satisfying him. He was breathing hard, and pulled me down so that I was lying on top of his chest. 

I lay down, pressing my forehead against his, and closed my eyes, trying to regain my composure. 

“Wow.” Eren said between breaths.

“Fuckin right. You’re not bad, kid.”

Eren fucking beamed at me, kissing my temple and trailing his fingers lightly up and down my thighs. I wasn’t really used to the aftercare of sexual encounters, I was mostly used to being left on a table covered in my cum and sometimes others’ as well. I almost didn’t know how to react, and I was a little shocked if I’m being honest at how tenderly Eren was touching me after something like that. 

“Levi, what’s wrong?” He kissed my forehead again and it only added to my discomfort.

“Nothing, I just have to go to the washroom. We’re filthy.” I pushed myself off of him, ready to hightail it out of the room, when I felt him grab onto my wrist.

“You’re lying.” I didn’t turn to face him.

“Yeah, I am. I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did I do something? D-do I… do I remind you of those other guys?” I spun around, seeing the look in his eyes move from concerned to guilty to ashamed in a matter of seconds.

“No, god Eren no. You could never be like one of them. I just… I don’t know how to do this. I know how to be someone’s whore, not their lover. I- Honestly I’m just fucking scared.”

His eyes softened and he touched my bare hips lightly. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out together, okay? There’s nothing to be afraid of. Just talk to me.” 

He pulled me down, and kissed me hard. I needed that kiss, I needed his touch, and so I kissed him back with equal enthusiasm. Then I pulled back, a smirk on my face. “Get the fuck up. You need to shower.”

“Leeevi, it’s like 4AM, can’t we just shower in the morning?”

“Fuck no, now get out of my bed you ass hole.”

Pouting his signature pout, he complied, trudging over to my bathroom, bare ass out of display for me.

Hell yeah, I could get used to this.

  


\--

  


When morning finally came around, I woke up to the feeling of Eren’s breath against my neck. As I tried to shift out of bed, I realized this would be impossible, seeing as Eren had intertwined his legs with mine. No doubt there was a ridiculous tangle of limbs underneath my covers, but I couldn’t say that I hated it. If anything, it only made my love grow. Eren was basically the most endearing individual I had ever met in my life.

He shifted beside me, and turning to face him, he was looking up at me with sleepy eyes. 

“Mmm.. good morning.”

I leaned over, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. I could feel him smile against my lips, and it made my heart swell.

“Levi?” He was smiling up at me, a strange glint in his eye.

“Hmm?”

“I’m taking you out for breakfast.”

“Do I not have a say in this?” I wouldn’t put up a fight, I just felt like teasing him.

“Come ooon. Let me treat you.”

“You’re right. I’m a fucking princess. Choose wisely, peasant!”

Eren’s face was completely emotionless, and he stared at me for a good five seconds before bursting out into uncontrollable laughter. He was clutching at his stomach, laughing so hard that tears were beginning to form in the corners of his eyes, smiling up at me. I punched his arm lightly, and he feigned hurt. What a big baby.

“Shut up, you idiot. Let’s get dressed and go.”

 

Half an hour later, we were sitting outside on the patio of a small restaurant, eating our breakfast in the warm sunlight of late morning. I had gotten an order of eggs florentine, which happened to be the best breakfast dish imaginable. Eren sat across from me, attacking some blueberry waffles that were dripping in maple syrup. 

“You know what, Levi? Maple syrup has got to be some of the best shit ever invented. What a fucking glorious liquid. I mean, you can put it on anything. Bacon, pancakes, in your cooking, baking, whatever! I could probably even drink it. I would lick it off of any surface.”

“Oh?” Eren’s eyes shot up to mine, abruptly ceasing his chewing. He blushed a deep shade of red after realizing what he had just said to me. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, Eren.” I was definitely going to make him lick syrup off of my dick. Just you wait, baby.

The rest of breakfast passed by relatively quietly. I have got to say, Eren already knows how to pick a restaurant that is cozy and also clean enough to meet my standards, which is really impressive in my opinion. It also flattered me that he hadn’t just brought me anywhere, it seems like he really put thought into this place, and I appreciated it.

When breakfast was over, we walked over to the park. Holding my hand the entire way, squeezing my hand once in a while, almost as if to confirm that I was still there, Eren pulled me the entire way, and then to the swing set. He sat down on one swing, motioning for me to take a seat in the other, and I followed. Sitting there, swinging and laughing, I almost felt like the carefree teenager I once was again. I looked over at Eren, and he was swinging forward, his eyes closed, hair flowing in the wind. He looked so fucking happy, so at peace, and in this moment, I knew that I was happy too. Somehow, Eren took away all of my pain. Being near him made me feel whole again. Eren gave me a place to belong, and he would never know how much that meant to me, as I sure as hell wouldn’t be telling him.

We parted ways after Eren leaned forward and kissed my cheek, making me blush slightly. I tried to bury my face in my scarf, but the damage had already been done. Eren, noticing the pink dusted across my cheeks, pulled my face up, crashing his lips into mine. He then placed his forehead to mine, smiling at me and saying, “See you soon, Levi.”

And with that, he turned and left.

 

\--

 

A few days had passed since Eren had spent the night, and I had honestly been feeling a little empty since he had left. It’s not that I was exactly dissatisfied with my mundane life, but rather, sparks radiated from him everywhere he went and I had gotten used to feeling so alive. Eren was a bright shining change that I desperately needed in my life, and I was thankful for him. But it also terrified me that I was already clinging to him after such a short time spent together. 

If I knew anything about the human brain, it was that it always got tired of things, and no matter how happy they once made you, you would get tired of them eventually. What if Eren got tired of me? Then I would be abandoned, again. I would lose my place of belonging, again. I couldn’t bear to think that a day would come when he wouldn’t --

The sound of three loud knocks on my door shook me out of my thoughts.

Who the fuck would be at my house at quarter to midnight on a Thursday night? I figured it was probably Hanji, about to pester me about some fucking annoying thing I could give a shit less about. I swung open the door, not bothering to look through the hole. I already knew it was her and her loud ass mouth.

When I wasn’t assaulted or forced into a death grip hug immediately, I looked up, a little bewildered to find Eren standing in front of my door. I immediately noticed the tear stains along his cheeks, and a purpley-red mark under his right eye. Although he didn’t look as physically hurt as I had seen him on other occasions, something told me that this time had been particularly bad. There was a small duffel bag slung over his shoulder, no doubt holding clothing and a toothbrush. 

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should have called, I know. But I just-”

I moved forward, but when he recoiled I stopped dead in my tracks, looking up into his eyes. “Eren, it’s okay. I’m here for you. What happened?”

He shook his head, a fresh wave of tears beginning to fill his red eyes. “Come in.” I reached out my hand towards him, and he looked at it for a while before taking it. As soon as I had shut the door, he pulled me forward into a hug, burying his head into my shoulder and sobbing.

“I went home today and my dad was there. I didn’t know he would be home… I didn’t know. I tried to leave but-” Eren was choking on his words, unable to continued due to the sobs shaking his frame.

“It’s okay, Eren. There’s no way you could have known. You did nothing wrong.”

“N-no! He only hit me once.” Eren pointed to the mark underneath his eye. “It was just this. But I just felt so bad and I thought I was alone so I- I was going to go shoot up and-” He inhaled harshly, trying to push back his gasps, “and Mikasa walked into the washroom.”

Oh, shit. I knew that there was nothing I could say to calm Eren down. Mikasa was protective, the fucking queen of mother bears, and she had no doubt lost her shit on Eren upon finding out. I stroked his back gently, feeling his body relax slightly upon my touch.

“She hates me now. She hates me, Levi. She said I betrayed her- and mom.” He was gasping for air now, unable to control the panic that was setting in. “Mikasa said my mother would be furious. I know she would be! How could I let this happen, Levi? What should I do?”

“Eren, why do you have a bag? Did something else happen?”

“Mikasa was so angry.” I could hardly understand him at all now that he was basically drowning in his own tears. “She said she was going to tell Armin and Jean and even Marco. They’re all going to hate me so much. I can’t go back.”

I pulled him in the direction of my bedroom, sitting him down on my bed. I wiped at his tears and pulled his face close to mine, kissing his forehead. 

“What do you want me to do Eren?” I needed him to say it himself. I couldn’t plant the thought in his head. It had to be Eren.

“I need to quit. I need you to help me. Please, god Levi, please. I can't do it alone.”

“I’ll help you, we’ll do it together.” I smiled slightly at him, happy that he had finally acknowledged his problem. I was sorry that it had to be this way, but knew that this was the only way that it was going to work. Eren needed to be exploding with resolve to quit, otherwise, there would be nothing that I could do to change his mind.

“I have some in my bag, I didn’t know what to do. Mikasa flushed my entire cabinet but I took my other hidden stuff with me… It made me so sick but I couldn’t just go without it. I need it, oh god, what am I doing?” He leaned forward, head hitting my chest as his body relaxed and went limp.

“Eren. It’s not going to be easy.You’re going to finish what you have, and then you’re going to quit. Cold turkey. It’s going to be hard, and you’re going to feel like you’d rather die, but I’m going to help you. Okay? You’re going to make it.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks once again as he nodded. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

I almost laughed, but didn’t, understanding the seriousness of the conversation. “You must know that I would do anything for you.”

“Levi…” He looked up, his bright eyes assaulting mine, peering deep into the confines of my soul, filling every inch of my body with their familiar warmth. He looked like he was trying to say something, but I couldn’t really understand what it was. I figured it was just another apology, or some form of thanks, so I decided I would cut this short.

“Eren, just--”

 

“I fucking love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! I find it really hard to write about them being intimate with each other. Was it awkward?!! Oh god I hope not. I'll be working on it I suppose...
> 
> Next chapter Eren and Levi will be tackling his addiction.
> 
> PS. Wondering if anyone has any input on what kind of kinks Eren/Levi may be hiding??  
> Sex is coming, so I am planning... 
> 
> See you soon! xx


	9. Withdrawal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I suck..  
> I've been busy with work and also I had to go to the dentist and he gave me too much anesthetic so now I'm kind of fucked and my jaw hurts. 
> 
> Here is a chapter.
> 
> Eren's withdrawal from drugs.

“I fucking love you.”

In a single instant every fucking muscle in my body tensed, and I stood there, frozen, gawking at Eren. What the actual fuck? I definitely heard that wrong, there is no fucking way that Eren just said that he loves me, not possible, no no fucking no, _nope_. 

One moment, I was staring into Eren’s huge blue-green eyes, burning with emotion, affection and determination. I had never seen Eren’s eyes look that way, and it took my breath away. Literally. The next moment, I am on my hands and knees, choking on nothing but my own racing thoughts. Nothing is processing, only the burning sensation of my lungs screaming, begging for air. But I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I can’t do anything. I’m helpless.

My wrists give out and now I’m lying on my side, my body twisted in an unnatural way that I’m sure would be uncomfortable if I could fucking feel anything at all. But I can’t. I see a blur in front of my eyes, and allow them to focus on Eren’s face, inches from mine. He’s yelling, his eyes look panicked, but I can’t hear anything he is saying. My vision blurs and I realize that I am crying.

I shut my eyes, and Eren is gone. In his place, memories of my past. Memories of familiar men who used to be my family. Men who taught me how to shoot a gun, men who I played poker with, men who fucked me. There are plenty of occasions on which they told me they loved something about me, ‘I love your coffee’ or ‘I love the way your brain works’ or ‘I love that pretty little cock’, but never, not once “I love you”. I didn’t know how to react. I know how to accept pain, anger, fear, loathing. Kindness, love, affection - these are all unfamiliar feelings to me, things that I have never known or understood. 

Not once has anyone ever told me they loved me, not even my own mother. Eren, without realizing it, just changed my whole fucking world. I’m sure as shit that most people would not react like this to a love confession, but I am being crushed under the gravity of his statement. I’m definitely doing this wrong, but that doesn’t matter. Eren loves me. He loves me, Levi, the fuck up.

I rip my eyes open and Eren jerks backwards in shock. I’m not sure how long my eyes have been shut, but Eren looks so rattled that my heart aches. I try opening my mouth to speak, but my body betrays me and all I can manage is a sob. Eren recoils, pain and rejection clear as day on his face. 

“I’m sorry. Levi, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. Forgive me, please. Just forget I said anything. I can’t lose you, just forget. I’m sorry, I’m sorry….” Eren is rambling and my brain is tuning him out. He looks so distressed, I just want to lunge at him and show him that I love him too, that nothing is wrong, but my body won’t listen to me.

It takes every ounce of my strength to reach out and grab his wrist. He tries to pull away but my grip tightens on instinct. I won’t let him get away from me, not now, not ever. Eren is staring at me, eyes so wide I’m sure it hurts, confusion written on his face. Although my tears have stopped, I still don’t trust my throat, and so I pull his hand to my mouth and place a kiss on the inside of his hand. He understands instantly, and his body visibly relaxes. 

Eren puts his arms under my shoulders and carefully pulls me over to him so that my head is resting on his thighs. As he strokes my hair gently, he speaks. “I was so scared. I thought… I thought that you would hate me, reject me, throw me away.” He chokes back a sob. His voice is uneven, his breathing ragged. “Oh god, I love you Levi. I love you.”

I don’t move from my spot on his lap, but I can feel his body trembling. I clear my throat, hoping my voice will not betray me, and it doesn’t.

“.....Again.” My voice is raw, but steady.

“What?” His eyebrows are knit together when I turn to face him.

“Say it again.”

Realization shines in Eren’s eyes, and he gives me a small, warm smile.

“I love you. I lo-”

His words are cut short when his lips collide with mine. The kiss isn’t long, but when I release Eren, I know that he understands that I love him too. I may not be able to say it in words just yet, not while he’s conscious, but never in my life have I attempted to convey so much emotion as I just did in that kiss. Never have I felt so much passion towards another human being, and I adore him. I really do.

 

That night, I slept with my body pressed up against Eren’s. My head in the bend of his neck, our legs tangled, his arm around my shoulder. At one point, I was so hot that I had to strip down into my boxers to avoid having to leave his embrace. Eren, smiling, did the same, both of us refusing to part from each other. I relished in the even sound of his breathing, the smell of his skin, the warmth that radiated from his body. I fell asleep feeling nothing but happiness, and I hoped that this peace would last.

 

\--

 

The peace did not last. Shock of the fucking year, I know. 

Within two days of Eren showing up at my door, he drained his supply of drugs. It was alarming to me, given that he had shown me how much he had, and had allowed me to look through his bags just to be sure. It was no small amount of drugs that Eren had brought with him, and as I watched him fill his last syringe, pierce his vein one final time, it was like watching someone find out they have one hour to live. The look of absolute dread on his face was almost unbearable. 

 

Fortunately for me, Eren’s first day without drugs was not insufferable. He was a little shaky, didn’t have much of an appetite, and seemed on edge, but for the most part, he was polite and tried to hide his discomfort as much as possible. Every once in a while when he thought that I wasn’t looking, I would notice Eren’s body shaking, catching the occasional twitch if I watched closely enough. 

That night, I woke up, startled after feeling Eren’s body jerk violently beside mine. I turned on the lamp beside my bed, and found Eren curled up, his head in his knees, hands over his eyes. His forehead was covered in sweat, and I knew that he must be feeling like absolute shit right now. After being dependent on drugs for so long, his body must be in shock, unable to deal with the new conditions forced on them. Just as I’m beginning to get carried away in my useless thoughts, Eren shoots up out of bed and is gone from my room in under a second. I don’t move, listening, trying to figure out what Eren might be doing, when I hear it.

Vomiting. Eren must be puking in my toilet, it better be my fucking toilet. I shove my body out of bed sluggishly, and trudge over to the washroom. Sure enough, Eren is bent over the toilet, heaving. I stand in the door frame, watching him until his body stills and he slumps down onto the ground. I walk over the the toilet, cringing as I examine the contents. It’s fucking disgusting, but at least there is no blood. I flush the toilet, wipe it down with disinfectant, and then grab Eren a cup of water. He gulps it in one go, managing to almost choke on it. Nice.

“Hey, easy there.” I say it as warmly as possible, knowing that his body is probably already under just about as much stress as it can handle. He doesn’t need an ass hole on top of it all.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t acknowledge me, just continues staring at the floor. His skin is pale, covered in a cold sweat. I notice Eren’s body swaying, and so I’m ready when he falls forward, head colliding with my chest. Concerned, I look down to find him dead and gone, sleeping against my body. When Eren wakes up in the morning, he will most likely have no idea that any of this ever happened. Maybe it’s better that way. I carry my fragile boy’s body back to bed before going back to clean the bathroom.

Just because Eren is suffering and will probably continue to vomit for days does not mean that I can allow my house to become filthy. Fuck that stupid idea. I grab the bleach from underneath the sink and get to work, scrubbing the fucking shit out of my toilet and the entire bathroom floor. As I clean, I think about Eren, think about myself, think about our relationship and if we will be able to last through breaking his addiction. Trying to cut yourself off from substance is a fucking nightmare, and it brought out the worst versions of myself that I didn’t even really know existed. I knew that the first week was hell, the third and fourth days being the worst. I tried preparing myself for what might happen, running scenarios through my head as I scrubbed the floor with vigour. Eren might tell me that he doesn’t love me anymore, that he can’t quit the drugs, that I am not worth it, that his family is not worth it. The more I think, the more I lose myself in my thoughts, forgetting about my cleaning. Spray, wipe, dunk, wipe, scrub, polish. I don’t know how long I’ve been cleaning, but through the closed blinds I can tell that the sun has come up. I’ve really fucked up, haven’t I…

Just for some sick being’s amusement, Eren shuffles into my kitchen at that exact moment. Don’t ask me how I got into the kitchen, because I don’t remember either. I’m sitting on the kitchen floor, and it is fucking sparkling. My hands are burning, and I look down to find them red and raw. Eren is rubbing at his eyes, also looking at my disturbingly red hands. 

“Levi? Have you been cleaning all night?”

“No… I slept for a few hours.”

“Could you not sleep?” He seems genuinely concerned, and I realize that he has no recollection of last night. 

“Yeah, I just had trouble sleeping. Don’t worry.” He offers me a small, half-smile. “How are you feeling, Eren?”

“Not great. The smell of bleach is making me nauseous.” 

“Shit.” I practically jolt up from my sitting position, head spinning a little at my quick position change. I open every window in my apartment before turning back to Eren, who now looks a little sheepish.

“You didn’t have to open them all, or any. Sorry.”

“Shut up, do you want to eat?” Your stomach is fucking empty, and I know it even if you don’t yet.

“I’m not that hungry, sorry Levi.”

Eren’s gaze is downcast, his expression almost providing me with a look of shame. I know that he is hungry, but I know that the nausea is worse, and therefore he will not eat. He turns his body away from me, and walks slowly back towards the bedroom. I can hear him sigh, and then nothing.

The rest of the day is spent cooking soup and checking up on Eren. He doesn’t move from the bed, just sleeps and lazes around. I understand, and so I don’t say anything, don’t try to push him. I do manage to get him to have some soup in the late afternoon, the only meal that Eren has all day. Not eating won’t do him any favours, not when his body starts to attack him, and I know that it is coming. Eren, however, does not.

As I prepare for bed that night, Eren is wrapped into a burrito with my comforter. I’ll admit that it is cold, but he is wearing a hoodie and flannel pants as well, so I’m a little surprised at how cold he is. Before falling asleep, I place a kiss on his forehead and he smiles at me through shut eyelids. I fall asleep, hoping that tomorrow won’t be as bad as I think it will be. 

My sleep is short-lived, however, due to Eren’s restlessness. He is tossing in his sleep, one minute shivering and pulling the blanket closer the his body, the next, ripping off his clothing to cool himself off. I touch his forehead and it is fucking burning. Another night of no sleep, hell fucking ya. I pull myself out of bed, grab a small towel from the closet and go to the washroom. I run the towel under cold water for a minute, ensuring it is damp and freezing. I place it on his forehead, and he winces at the cold, but does not wake up.

I shuffle over to the kitchen and discover that it isn’t even 3AM yet. Awesome. I turn on the light, and reach for the kettle. I might as well drink some tea seeing as I’m awake. Considering the fact that I am not awake by choice, I decide on camomille, since it won’t pump caffeine into my blood. After I’ve poured the boiling water into my mug, I shuffle over to the couch, taking a seat in my favourite corner. I jump a little when I feel something buzz underneath me, but then almost laugh at myself when I realize it is just a phone. I pick it up, thinking it must be shitty glasses texting me at this ungodly hour, but then realize that I am not holding my phone, instead Eren’s.

I glance over in the direction of my bedroom, and then look at the screen. 10 New Text Messages. I open his phone, and see that there are five texts from Mikasa, three from Armin, and two from horse face. Also, thirty-two missed calls. Shit.

First I scrolled through some of Mikasa’s, I figured that her texts would be the most frantic.

_Eren, where are you?_

_Eren, it’s been an entire day, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have freaked out like that. Please come home._

_Please call me. I’m so sorry._

_Eren? Are you okay?_

And finally, the longest one by far, and the text that had just vibrated my ass.

_Eren, I’m so sorry. I should have never said anything about mom. I’m not angry, I’m just so scared. I can’t lose you, I really need you, more than you know. Maybe we can talk about this, I’ll do anything. I’ll do my best to help, just please don’t ignore me. At least tell me if you are alright._

  


Next, the texts from Armin.

_Mikasa told me about the drugs… I knew about the cocaine, but heroin? Seriously? Fuck, Eren._

_Eren, please tell us where you are. Everyone is worried about you._

_Eren?_

 

Reluctantly, I opened the two last texts from Jean.

_Hey. I know that I’m probably the last person you want to talk to, but if you need me I’m here. Mikasa told me everything. I’m worried about you._

_Eren, you’d better show up soon or I’m going to have to start breaking down doors. Please stop ignoring us, please._

 

Wow, even the equine piece of shit has feelings, even he cares. I smile a little, happy to know that Eren has such caring people in his life. Then I grab my own phone, punch in Mikasa’s number, and hit the green button. It is a fucking strange time of night, but if I know her, she isn’t asleep. The call connects after the second ring.

“Hello?”

“It’s Levi.”

“Oh god, are you with Eren? Have you seen him? He hasn’t been home in four days, we got in a fight and-”

“Oi, calm down. He’s sleeping in my room.”

“Wait, he… _what_? Why would you not call anyone? Do you know how worried we’ve been? If you two are just fucking around then-” Her voice is filled with venom, but I don’t fucking care.

“Mikasa. Shut the fuck up. He came over to my house sobbing because of what you said to him. He’s found his resolve, and he’s been clean for two days.”

She was silent on the other end for a while, and then: “That’s amazing. He’s amazing. Is he okay? I’ll come pick him up tomorrow.”

“Slow down. It has only been two days. It won’t even start to hit him until tomorrow, and then shit will really hit the fan. I don’t think you are prepared to see that. Leave him here. I can take care of him.”

“How do you know?”

“Know what?”

“That it will get bad tomorrow?”

“Oh. I used to be a drug addict.” Silence. “Okay, well, I’ll keep you updated. Bye.”

I hung up the phone, trying to picture the shocked look on Mikasa’s face. Smirking, I got up, gulped down my now lukewarm tea, and went back to my bedroom. I grabbed the towel from Eren’s forehead, not expecting it to be as hot as it was, and rinsed it with cold water, replacing it. Then I lay down beside Eren, and fell into a deep sleep.

 

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I noticed was how cold my side body was. Eren wasn’t there. I opened my eyes, confirming my suspicions, and slowly pulled myself out of bed, psyching myself up for the day ahead. It was sure to be hell. I noted the time on the clock, and fucking hell it was 1:02 PM. Afternoon, I guess.

I shuffled into the washroom, wanting to wash my face and brush my teeth before making my way to the kitchen, no doubt where Eren was. I scrubbed my face and teeth with enthusiasm, and rinsed. Walking towards my towel, I almost yelped when I saw Eren sitting in the tub. There was no water in it, and he was fully clothed. His skin was deathly pale, and there were purple bags underneath his eyelids. His eyes were focused on the tiled wall across from him, but he definitely realized I was here.

“Eren?” I took a step towards him, about to reach my arm out when he spoke.

“Get out.”

“Excuse me?”

“Get the fuck out.”

I looked at him for a long time. “This is my fucking apartment.”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now.” He glared up at me and I had to catch my breath. His eyes were so full of hate that I was almost frightened. “Leave me alone.” A shiver shot up my spine at how steady his voice was.

Ultimately, I obeyed, weary of his outbursts. I turned and left the washroom, closing the door behind me. I had just made it into the kitchen and was turning on the kettle for a pot of tea when I hear the door whip open, slamming into the wall in the process. Every addict’s third day is different, some become aggressive, hostile, withdrawn, suicidal, anxious, you fucking name it, but none of them are good. Eren was a mixture of sorts.

He stomped into the kitchen, and right into my personal fucking space. A few inches from me, he stood tall, body looming over mine in a predatory stance. Upon realizing that his glare would not force me to speak, he began instead.

“This is all your fucking fault.”

I stood there, realizing what was happening. His body was in pain, he didn’t know what to do, and so he was forcing the blame on to me. Really fucking admirable of you. But I wouldn’t say anything.

“It was all because of _you_! Fuck you. Fuck you for making me feel like I could do this. I can’t! I can’t, Levi. There’s no fucking way. My entire body is on fucking fire, I think I am going insane. It fucking hurts and I can’t do this.” When I don’t respond, he steps closer, forcing my body back into the counter. “Where is your drug cabinet?”

I look at him, eyes totally blank. “I don’t have one.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” He is spitting his words in my face and I can feel my body building up adrenaline, as if Eren is a threat to me. Maybe he is. 

“Look wherever you fucking want. I don’t keep anything in the house. I’m an addict, remember?”

Eren’s face twists in rage, but I don’t expect what happens next. His fist connects with my right cheek, and I basically go flying, head hitting a corner of my counter as I fall. My head is spinning, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. There is warmth coming from where my head hit the counter, and I know without touching it that I’m bleeding. Just for effect, I put my hand there, and sure enough, my hand is wet and sticky with my blood.

Just as I look up to Eren, he falls to his knees, body shaking. His eyes are wide and he’s murmuring to himself, but I don’t know what. I crawl over to him, and he looks up at me, flinching back. 

“Levi. I’m just like him, aren’t I?” It takes me a minute to realize what the fuck he’s talking about.

“Eren, no. You are nothing like your father.”

He is shaking his head furiously, trying not to listen to my words. “ _No._ No I just fucking hit you, oh my god, you’re bleeding. Why am I doing this? What is happening to me?” His eyes fill up with tears but he blinks them away. “For a minute, it felt like you were my enemy. Like… I hated you.” 

“Eren. I swear that I am fine. I’ve been through a lot worse, it isn’t deep. I’m okay, honest.”

He won’t look at me, just slowly stands up and walks back to the bedroom. This time, he shuts the door, closing himself off from me. I know that he is horrified at what he has done to me, but if I’m being honest, what I did to my nurses was just as bad. Addiction is a scary thing, and withdrawal turns you into the most horrible version of yourself that could ever possibly exist. I knew that. I knew that Eren wasn’t this hostile towards people he cared about, but his body was betraying his feelings. 

He spent the rest of the day alone in my bedroom. I knew that there was basically nothing he could use to hurt himself in there, and honestly, he was probably too exhausted to even try anything. After cleaning up my head and assessing the angry bruise forming on my cheek, I made some more fresh soup, knowing that it was probably the only thing Eren could ingest without puking it out. I brought two bowls into my room, setting one down in front of him. His eyes were open, but he was staring at nothing, almost as if in a trance. Noticing how tense his body was, I decided it would be easier on him if I wasn’t in the room, and so I turned to leave. I almost didn’t hear the quiet “sorry” that escaped his lips as I passed through the door, closing it behind me.

I didn’t go back into my room that night. I opted for sleeping on the couch instead. Eren was in a fragile fucking state, and seeing me in pain was probably going to make everything ten times worse. I know that he didn’t mean to hurt me, but oh my god did it hurt. My head throbbed like a fucking trance rave and I was just about done with life. It was times like these that I wished I kept extra strength advil in my house, but I’d rather have a headache than risk an overdose. I don’t have much willpower, judge me all you fucking want, ass hole. I fell asleep, uncomfortable and cold. 

 

I opened my eyes upon hearing my bedroom door creak open, rushed footsteps, and once again, vomiting. Fucking great. It took me a little longer to get off the couch, due to the horrible spinning of my vision and general pounding in my head. I dragged myself to the washroom just as Eren was finishing dry heaving, and he looked even paler than he had earlier today, if that was possible. He wiped at his mouth, turning his head a little, and flinching upon realizing that I was standing a few feet away from him. I guess he was awake this time. I had brought a cup of water with me. I handed it to him, and his fingers brushed against mine as they curled around the glass. I shivered at his uncharacteristically cold touch. 

He cleared his throat, and I looked at him. His voice was raw as a result of his acidic stomach contents, but he spoke softly enough that it wasn’t that obvious. “You never came to bed.”

“I figured it would be easier on you if you didn’t have to look at me.”

He grimaced, staring at his clenched fists.”Your face is bruised.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He looked up at me, body suddenly animated. Eren raised his voice, practically screaming. “It does! It matters to me. I- I hurt you…”

“Stop worrying about me. I’m sure you are feeling a lot worse than I do.”

He tipped his head slightly in a nod, and I knew that he must be in excruciating pain based on the look in his eyes. “It hurts… everything hurts. I feel like I’m dying and every time I think it couldn’t possibly get any worse it does! It gets so much fucking worse, Levi. And all I can think about is drugs. I don’t know if I want them to make this pain go away or if I want them for the euphoria. All I know is that my body is aching for them.” He paused, breathing laboured. “I hate myself for needing them, but I can’t function. I’m dying, Levi. Make it stop. Please….”

I moved closer to Eren, slowly at first, but when he didn’t resist, I lunged towards him and pulled him into me. I squeezed his frail body, kissing his forehead. “It’s going to be okay, Eren. I promise it is.”

I cradled him into my arms, carried him to the bed and lay him down. Crawling in beside him, he shuffled over in my direction and placed his head against my chest, throwing an arm over my waist. His body was cold and sweaty, but I wouldn’t push him away. He needed me to be an anchor and that is exactly what I would be for him. I would push away every selfish thought and help only him. I relaxed into Eren’s body with a slight smile on my face, his even breathing lulling me to sleep.

 

For the second time in one night, I woke up with a start. Eren had pulled his arm away from me, and my eyes immediately shot open. His back was facing me and his knees were curled tightly into his chest. I could practically feel the bed shaking, not having to look at his frame to notice he was trembling. 

“Eren, what's wrong?” I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder, but he jerked so violently that he almost fell off the bed.

“No no no, don’t touch me. My skin is on fire, I’m dying.. _I’m dying_ …” His voice was cracking and I could tell without even looking at his face that he was crying. Shit.

I blinked, and in that same instant, Eren started thrashing around wildly, screaming incoherent slurs of words that I couldn’t understand. I was paralyzed, didn’t know how to help him, but couldn’t bear to see him in such intolerable pain. I did the only thing I could think of, and before he realized what was going on, I had Eren pinned underneath me.

My head was throbbing like a bitch and I slumped down a little, but held my grip firm on his wrists and dug my knees into his thighs, restraining his movement. After exhausting himself and realizing he wouldn’t win, the thrashing stopped, the only sounds left our uneven breathing. 

“I can’t take it…” He turned his face to the side, tears streaming down his face, and I knew that he was about to give up. He was at his wits end and felt like he was about to break.

“Fine. Then choose.”

“W-what?” He looked back at me, confusion mixed into the pain in his eyes.

“Choose. The drugs. Or me.” I bite out, not angry, but allowing my voice to leak venom.

“No, I- Levi, how could you-”

“Is that your choice, then?” I start to remove myself from his body, realizing what I have just done. Oh god, I had really fucked up this time. Of course he would choose the drugs, they were there for him when I wasn’t, and he could trust the drugs. They were more reliable. Still, it fucking stung, and I bit my lip, hard, to force down tears.

It was Eren’s choice to make, not mine. I was about to cross the threshold of my bedroom into the hallway when I lost my balance and fell. Looking down, two arms had wrapped firmly around my knees, the arms belonging to Eren.

“Wait, please.”

I trained myself for moments like this, my face blank and my voice dead. “What?”

“I need you to understand….”

“Eren, you made your choice. It’s okay.”

And now I was the one pinned to the ground, and Eren was yelling. “NO! No, Christ, would you just listen!?” He took a moment to recompose himself before continuing. “What I meant was, how could you even ask me that after I told you that I love you?”

To say that I was shocked would be the understatement of the year. Was Eren really about to choose me?

“I want the drugs…” I inhaled sharply. "But I need you." 

 

And that was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who comments, leaves kudos and also bookmarks this lil project of mine!  
> You all mean the world to me.
> 
> Thank you all so much, you're lovely. xx 
> 
> Next update will be comin soon!


	10. Fear and Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get tense, and then my boys get hot and heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god! I'm so so so sorry that it has been over a week since I last updated. I'm going away to university this weekend and the amount of shit there is to get done is just ridiculous. I may not be able to update that frequently but I'm going to do my best to update as often as I can because there is still a lot in store for these babes.
> 
> As an apology, I present to you....sex ~

Days passed by, slowly at first, then picking up in speed as Eren’s struggles lessened. It had been eight days since Eren had been clean, ten since he had shown up at my door, and we were almost there. The cravings were definitely still present, and he was more irritable than I had ever seen, but there was no more hostility or aggression in him. 

After that night when Eren had pinned me to the ground, told me he needed me and begged me to stay, things had gotten easier. Either Eren was concealing his pain incredibly well, or he was fighting against it more, and damn he was amazing. I was fucking proud of him, and I tried to show it to him as often as I could. 

As expected, he had bad moments, usually vomiting or a panic attack, and each time it happened he became a little more disheartened. But each time I was there, and each time I did my best to reassure him. Having experienced something disgustingly similar to this, I tried to be the person that I wish I had by my side at the time. Not some piece of shit fucking nurse that was condescending as shit and had no clue what the fuck was going on in my head. Fuck the system and their shitty employees. End of rant.

On Eren’s tenth night of sobriety, I woke up after turning in my sleep, only to find Eren’s side of the bed empty. I sat up, eyes still closed, trying to focus only on the sounds of my apartment. At first I figured that he had just gotten up for a shit or a glass of water, but after noticing how eerily quiet it was, I opened my eyes. 

The first thing I noticed was that the bathroom door was closed, the second was that some light was peering out from underneath the door. Fucking odd, considering I never shut that door and I don’t recall waking up for a piss.

I sprang to my feet, well, more like dragged myself up from my bed, and walked as hastily as I could manage over to the shut door. Pressing my ear to the door, I just listened, hoping that I would be able to hear Eren making any sort of noise, but there was nothing. I knocked, once, twice, and then three times before speaking up.

“....Eren?” My voice was deep and scratchy from sleep, but I couldn’t really care less right now. I was more concerned with the fact that I got no response. 

“Oi, Eren.” Silence. “Open the fucking door.” 

Still nothing. I decided that fuck it, privacy is for twats, so I opened the door, swinging it slowly in the hopes that I wouldn’t deck Eren with it if he was standing right in front of the door for whatever reason. 

 

The first thing that hit me was the smell. Vomit, fucking ew. The door swung open and my breath caught in my throat at the sight before me. Eren was lying down, cheek pressed into the tile floor, right beside my toilet. His hair was a mess, strewn over his closed eyes and I noticed that there was not only some vomit on the toilet seat, but also by his mouth. I was literally going to kill him. 

That’s what I thought until I realized that his body hadn’t moved since I opened the door. 

“Eren?” 

Fucking nothing. Not a single muscle twitched at the sound of my voice. Shit.

I threw my body at the ground, straddling Eren’s body and flipping him on to his back. His chest was hardly moving, and his breathing was shallow and slow. I grabbed his wrist, and oh god, what a shameful excuse for a pulse. Eren was dying, and I didn’t know how or why. For a few seconds I just sat there, over his body, my own body frozen in shock and fear, unsure of what I should do.My mouth went dry, my palms were slick with sweat, and I was sitting there staring like the fucking waste of life that I am. Eren was my responsibility, I took this on, I should have been able to protect him. This was all my fault. Fuckfuck _fuck_. 

As if even in death, Eren’s being wanted me to shut the fuck up, he started coughing, hacking violently, and I noticed there was still vomit coming out of his mouth. He must be choking on his own puke. Almost instinctively, I shoved my hand into Eren’s mouth, grabbing some of the more solid chunks from the back of his throat. I flipped him onto his side and forced him to continue coughing, in the hopes that he would just cough this shit up and be fine with it. 

His breathing sounded more clear, but it was still slow and shallow, and so I took that as a sign that CPR would now be okay. Even though he wasn’t choking anymore, I had to do something to help his respiration. 

Sometimes you find yourself in such high stress environments that it is impossible to think about certain things until after the event has happened. Right now, I’m trying really fucking hard to ignore the fact that Eren’s lips taste like bile, and also the fact that his vomit is all over my hand, floor and toilet. Fuck sanitation for once in your life Levi, please. Not right now. This is not the fucking time. 

After about two minutes of relentless compressions and breaths, my arms were starting to ache with exhaustion and tears were beginning to prick at my eyes. Just then, Eren’s eyes shot open and as he tried to sit up, his forehead collided with mine. I winced in pain, trying to keep the grimace off my face, forcing the tears out of my eyes. I looked up at Eren, and he was staring at my face, but his eyes were cloudy. 

For one single moment, Eren’s eyes focused on me, and I could see confusion as well as pain twisting in his eyes. Then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he was falling backwards into my tiled floor. I lunged forward, throwing my arms underneath his head, barely catching him in time. I heaved out a sigh of relief, thankful that I am nimble as fuck. 

“Shit.”

Eren’s eyebrows knit together, leaving a crease between the two. “L-Levi….?” His voice was raw, no doubt from all of the fucking vomit he had just expelled onto my goddamned floor.

“Yeah Eren, its me.” 

Slowly, Eren peeled his eyes open. The bags under his eyes were unparalleled in their darkness. Never in my life had I seen someone with such deep, black and purple craters underneath their eyes and news flash, I am the king of eye bags, so holy fuck. It was the truth that he looked like he had been hit by a bus and then run over by an RV. His skin was pale and constantly covered in a layer of cold sweat, which caused his body to be in a perpetual state of trembling. 

Dragging his eyes away from his legs, he examined his surroundings. To my surprise, Eren looked a little disgusted. Almost as disgusted as I was.

“Oh, fuck… I’ll- I can clean this. I’m so-” 

“You must be fucking joking.” I gave him the most bland stare I could manage at this ungodly hour, not that I knew what time it was at all to be honest.

“No. I’ll clean it. It’s my fault.” Eren stared back, eyes trained to mine. 

I sighed, breaking our staring contest. “Alright there, tough guy. How much does it hurt?” 

“What?” He looked genuinely confused at my question. 

“How much does your body hurt? From zero to searing flesh?” 

No answer. Just a disheveled little fuck staring at me like I was a space creature. 

“Are you trying to tell me that you’re feeling nothing?” I narrowed my eyes at him, because his lie was fucking obvious and I was calling cheat.

“Okay fine.” He shut his eyes. “Zero to searing flesh? I would probably say…dismemberment.” 

Not going to lie, I was only one part alarmed. The other part was impressed at this fucker’s wit. God damn I pick the good ones, and only the good ones. Jokes, as if I have even had a boyfriend in the past, oh wait, ever. 

“Okay. Can you sleep?” 

He looked down, tilting his head slightly away from me, as if in shame. “No. I’ve been watching you sleep for the past three hours.” 

Oh. 

It wasn’t until I found myself gawking at Eren that I realized he was blushing. Little shit.

“I’ll ignore that slightly disturbing comment in favour of asking if you would care for some tea?” 

He smiled slightly, and nodded his head. “Tea sounds great, actually.” 

“Great. You go make us some tea while I clean this shit up.” 

It looked like he was going to protest but I would literally have none of that shit, and I’m sure he could tell by the look on my face. Fuck yeah, glares of death. He got up, rinsed out his mouth in the sink, and then turned in the direction of my bedroom. I was about to laugh and tell him he went the wrong way when he passed the door again, this time in nothing but his boxers, walking in the direction of my kitchen.

His boxers were hanging pretty low on his hips, low enough that I was able to see the defined v shape that lead down from his hip bones to his… Fuck. _Fuck._ Cleaning. Bleach, Levi, your baby bleach is calling you.

 

\--

 

Half an hour after I began the bleach raid on my bathroom, Eren poked his head into the doorway. 

“Holy fuck Levi, it is sparkling in here. I think you’re done.”

I huffed, a little out of breath from that aggressive cleaning spree. “It’s fucking beautiful. Where is my tea?” I smirked at him. 

Eren opened the door fully, stepping into the washroom, and handed me a steaming cup of chamomile tea. Not bad. 

He sat down, back pressed into the side of the bathtub, and blew on his hot cup of tea. Without so much as looking up at me, Eren had already made this space feel so comfortable, so relaxing, while in reality it was nothing more than a cold, tiled bathroom that reeked of bleach. 

We sat in silence for a while, sipping at our teas and stealing glances at one another. I admired Eren’s skin, pale as it was, it was still entrancing and beautiful. His bare chest was long and lean and I smiled when I noticed that there were no bruises on his precious body.

Finally, he broke the silence. “Levi?”

“Yeah, kid?” 

He spoke over the top of his mug. “You hold your tea cup like a fucking weirdo.” A huge grin appeared from the shield of his cup. 

I stared at him in stunned silence. “Listen asshole, who’s house do you think this is?” I snapped.

He fucking laughed. “Calm down, Levi. It’s interesting, thats all! I swear.” 

As much as I wanted to be mad, or at least annoyed, his laugh destroyed every negative feeling in my body. Eren hadn’t been laughing much lately, as expected, so I cherished every smile or laugh that I received. I almost, keyword almost, smiled back. 

Instead, I granted him my best smirk, and replied. “Yeah, it’s pretty fucking weird. But shut up.”

“I like it! It makes you unique.” 

My cheeks started feeling hot, and I hid my face beneath the cover of my tea cup. I trained my eyes down, staring at the floor, my hands, whatever it took before the heat in my face dissipated. Eventually, it stopped. No longer worried about tarnishing my reputation as a cold hearted bastard, I looked back up at Eren, who was placing his cup of tea down on the tiled floor. As he did it, his eyes were trained on mine. 

It took me a while to notice it, but his body was slowly tilting towards me. It was then that I realized that the look on his face was clouded up by total and utter fucking lust. He moved slowly, getting on to his hands and knees, and began crawling in my direction. His pupils were dark and dilated, so much so that I could hardly see the beautiful turquoise irises I had come to know so well. Through parted lips, I could hear Eren’s breathing, his hot breath smelling like honey and chamomile striking my face. For some odd reason, instead of moving towards the glorious sight, my body tried to move away, though my efforts were soon halted when my back hit into the cold tiled wall. 

I stared, wide eyed as Eren inched closer to me, his eyes lined up with mine. My heart was hammering in my chest, and just looking at the sight before me was making my vision spin. He was drop dead gorgeous, no matter what state he was in, and resistance was futile. I leaned in towards Eren, tired of trying to fight what I knew I needed, looking up at his eyes. I cradled his face in my hands and pulled him towards me.

His lips were soft on mine, gentle and slow in their work to kiss every edge and curve of my mouth. I tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and he pulled himself onto my legs, his bare chest against mine. Eren starting trailing his hands up my chest, over my collar bones, tracing circles on my back. I could feel my blood pulsing through my veins, screaming at me to let this boy in, to make him my world and love him with everything that I had. I could feel the words on my tongue, those three words I had been so afraid to say before, but now I wanted to blurt them out, scream them for everyone to hear. Placing my hands on Eren’s chest, I parted our lips and collected my breathing, panting and looking at Eren’s swollen lips.

I had to say it. Do it now. “Eren, I--”

Suddenly, my whole body flinched at the screeching of some horrid noise. I was just about ready to make a fucking noise complaint for destroying the moment that was about to be so fucking great that it would be put into Nicholas fucking Sparks novels when I heard Eren curse under his breath. 

“... That’s my phone. Ignore it.” 

Fuck you, life. “No, Eren, get it.” 

Like the little brat he is, Eren pushed himself up off of me wearing the most obvious pout I’ve ever seen. I glared back, before raising my hand and slapping his ass. He yelped, and booked it out of the room and in the direction of the living room. I didn’t move, perfectly fine with letting Eren answer the call on his own, I could almost bet any sum of money that it was Mikasa anyway. 

“Hello?” I could hear Eren speaking one-sidedly from my spot on the floor. 

“M- No, Mikasa. I’m fine here.” 

She was probably trying to pick him up again. Since Eren had shown up at my door, she had tried to bring Eren home three times already. If nothing else, she was fucking persistent. Then again, so was Eren.

“I’m okay, really. I feel fine now.” What a fucking lie. I considered calling him out but I figured there was no point, Mikasa definitely knew he was full of shit.

Suddenly I couldn’t hear Eren’s voice as well, he was whispering and it made me curious. I strained my ears, listening closely. “... He’s great, he is so patient and gentle and careful with me. I couldn’t ask for better, Mikasa.”

A sigh of exhaustion. “Okay, Mikasa. I will, yep. Bye.” 

Silence. Then padding of feet against hardwood. I leaned my head back, pressing my skull into the cold tile and closed my eyes. He called me gentle… 

“Levi?” 

I opened my eyes slowly, and Eren was leaning against the doorframe, a small smile forming on his face. 

“Would you care to continue?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me, fucking brat. 

I sighed, and looked down at my hands. Of fucking course I wanted to continue, but I wouldn’t.

“Eren.”

“Um… am I in trouble?” He laughed nervously, looking down at his feet. 

I slowly made my way to my feet, going to stand in front of Eren. I took his hands in mine and waited until he looked at my face before speaking, “Eren.” He flinched a little and I tried to hide the hurt from my eyes. 

“Eren, I need you to understand something. I know you don’t want to worry Mikasa, and honestly maybe you are just trying to save yourself from an overbearing sister, but I need you to know that you cannot neglect your own feelings. Especially now. Withdrawal puts enough stress on your body, you don’t need to hide things, you don’t need to hide, okay? Talk to me, talk to anyone. But don’t keep it inside, because it will only hurt you. I don’t want… I want to protect you from the pain that I experienced. Being alone and vulnerable, well they are not exactly a combination for success. I want you to be okay, Eren, and we have to do it together. Don’t hide.”

Eren’s eyes were blazing with life, passion and fire burning and pulling me into the depths of his blue-green cerulean eyes. I couldn’t catch my breath, the longer he stared into my eyes, the more light-headed I felt, until I was practically slumped against the door frame, holding on to steady myself. Eren was the most potent drug that I had ever experienced and I never wanted this high to end. 

“Levi.” He breathed my name, almost absently. “How is it that you know me so well?” 

Regaining some of my strength, I looped my arms around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. It was long, lusty and sweet, one of the best kisses we ever shared, and neither of us pulled away until we were gasping for air. 

“It’s because,” I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for the weight of what I was about to say. “I l-love you, Eren.”

Not as smooth as I had planned, but it was good enough. The right words had come out of my mouth at least, no rambling, there was something to be said for that. 

Eren gaped at me, no emotion showing on his face with the exception of shock. I began to panic, instantly regretting what I had said, even though I knew that it was the truth. But maybe he wasn’t ready for me to come on so strong, or maybe he had changed his mind about me. No no no, he’s just in a vulnerable place and you threw a confession at him, you idiot. My thoughts were racing and I clenched my fists at my sides, trying to maintain my composure. 

Then Eren moved, and I almost expected him to punch me. Instead, he brought his hands to my clenched fists, easing my fingers out of my skin, and placed his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh, then smiled. 

“Thank you so much.” He moved, nuzzling his head into my neck. “God, I love you.”

 

\--

 

Somehow I had expected this to go differently. Somewhere in my clouded mind, I figured that love confessions were supposed to be fluffy and cute plus rainbows and unicorns. That is not the hand I was dealt. Thank fuck for that.

Eren was currently naked. Underneath me. I am also naked. We are naked. On my fucking bed. Also, making out.

I can’t say how it happened, but things got hot and heavy as soon as I made my feelings known verbally. I in no way needed to be dragged, but almost was by an overly excited and horny Eren. Speaking of whom, was grinding up into my leaking erection as if his life depended on it. If not for my hands gripping his over his head, he would no doubt be touching me, or himself, or both. But I wanted him to wait, I wanted to make this slow and drawn out and sensual. 

As odd of a pair as we were, something felt right with him. He was everything, and so I didn’t want to rush this. I removed his only piece his clothing, kissing him gently, everywhere -- across his chest, on his neck, his thighs, his arms. I kissed him until he whined and his frame shook, until I knew he couldn’t take any more. Then I kissed his lips with fervor, until he parted from me to pull down my boxers, exposing me totally to him. As I tried to catch my breath, I watched him memorize my body, and the whimper that escaped his lips sent burning heat to my lower half. 

“Levi… touch me.” His voice was wrecked with lust and my spine trembled at the sound.

Before releasing his hands, I leaned down into his chest and kissed each of his bright pink nipples, sucking and biting, making Eren moan beneath me.

“S-stop teasing.” He gasped it out, and I moved up a little to place a chaste kiss on his forehead before releasing him and moving down so that I was looking right into the head of his swollen member. 

By no means was I new to blow jobs, but this would be the first time that I actually loved the man I was with. Something about that fact made me want to make Eren a writhing mess, I wanted him to scream my name, and I knew just how to do it. 

I looked at Eren as I licked my hand and then wrapped it around his length. He bit his lip and I could feel his hips shaking, so I placed my free hand over his left hip, steadying him. I pumped him lazily a few times before bringing my mouth to him and licking the underside of his cock. Eren’s body was so expressive, his back arched and his toes curled tightly, exposing his pleasure to me. When I looked up at him, biting my lip, he moaned my name. God, I love him.

I leaned back down, swallowing the head of his cock and swirling my tongue around it. Eren did nothing to muffle the lewd noises escaping his throat, and it only added oil to the fire. I picked up my speed, swallowing more and more of him until I had swallowed him whole. As his head hit the back of my throat, he screamed, throwing his head back, and his hands found my hair, tugging at it slightly. I released his hip, letting him fuck himself into my mouth, ignoring the slight discomfort. 

Eren’s moans were enthralling and I could feel my cock screaming for attention but I ignored it. I placed my hand back on Eren’s hip, stopping him and released him, moving my tongue so that it would probe the slit of his pretty length. He let out a throaty groan before pulling my hair, tugging me away.

“Mmmnn, Levi… I don’t want to cum yet.” 

I pulled myself up, kissing his lips lightly. “Why not, baby?” I purred against his lips.

“I want… I want you.” He paused, and trailed his hand down my stomach to ghost his fingers over my swollen cock. “Inside of me.”

Eren pulled me against him and kissed me hard, and I moaned into his mouth. I was so fucking hard that I thought I would explode, but I wouldn’t hurt Eren, I was going to do this right and take my time. I took a deep breath before parting from my lover’s lips, smiling slightly as I pulled his hips up. Eren’s pretty pink ring of muscle twitched as he opened his mouth for me, licking and sucking on my fingers. 

I inserted one finger as Eren breathed deeply, moaning under my touch. Eren was hot and tight but my one finger went in quite easily, so I added a second, slowly, watching his face for any signs of discomfort. I moved my fingers, scissoring them and moving them back and forth. 

Eren’s body was sucking at my fingers and I couldn’t take much more of this, and neither could he.

“Aah, Levi.. h-hurry.” He ground his hips up into my fingers. “Please.”

I kissed his inner thighs as I added the third and final finger. He winced a little, but as I sucked and bit down on his hips he writhed under me, toes curling tighter and incoherent moans escaping his lips. I searched for the bundle of nerves that would send him off the edge, and sure enough, Eren was screaming for my cock. His hands were in a death grip on the bed sheets, his head was thrown back and his stomach muscles clenched as he jerked under my touch. 

“Hhnn...Need you. Now, Levi.” He growled my name and I could feel his entire frame shaking.

Deciding that he was ready, I removed my fingers from his wet hole, creating a slick noise as I did so. I turned around to grab a condom from my bedside table when I felt a hand tugging on my wrist. Turning to face him, he pulled me in for kiss, opening his mouth so that I could let our tongues dance. Then he pulled away, breathing hard.

“It’s okay, Levi. I trust you.” 

I was fucking floored. Eren, who knew everything about my past, had just said that he trusted me. I knew that I was clean, but he didn’t, and the amount of trust he had just put in me made my chest burn with adoration. 

I kissed him again as I pulled his hips up, positioning myself. He squeezed my wrist, letting me know he was ready, and so I pushed forward. Damn, it was tight, but Eren was so wet that lube wasn’t even necessary. He was sucking me in and I could feel my cock throbbing in appreciation. I gave him slow thrusts, each time, pushing myself in a little farther until the base was hidden within him. I looked down at us and felt my heart swell, being connected to Eren in this way. 

I could feel Eren’s hands on my body, trailing over my chest, running his fingers through my hair, his hands were everywhere, and I took it as a sign that his body had adjusted to mine. I pulled back, almost all the way out of Eren and hissed at the cold air that greeted me. Then I snapped my hips up and in with one swift movement, thrusting hard into Eren.

His head fell back and he moaned my name, chest heaving with breath. I continued to thrust into him, rolling my hips and grinding into his body. Eren was so wet and being inside of him was better than anything I could have ever imagined, we were connected, we were finally one, and I loved him so much in that moment. 

“Oh g-god, Levi! I love you, I love love you, aah..” His voice was husky and shallow, and it went straight to my dick. 

I pounded into him, chanting his name as I watched him come undone beneath me. I left sloppy kisses all over his body, wherever I could reach, sucking on his flesh and adding to his pleasure. I placed my hands under his hips and pulled him further into me, going deeper than before. 

Eren’s breath hitched, his eyes rolled and he made the most erotic noise I had ever heard in my life. I knew I had hit his sweet spot, and I thrust into him, fast and hard as if my life depended on it. He screamed for me, calling my name, telling me he loved me, begging me to never stop. 

I could feel his body jerking, twitching and I knew that he was at the edge. 

“L-Levi, hhnnn.. aahh, I’m gonna c-” 

Eren’s voice was cut off by a throaty moan that sent shivers down my body. 

“Fuck, oh god, E-Eren..” I thrust into him, my hips snapping sharply and his rolling up into my thrusts.

I pulled back, knowing that this was the end, preparing for one final barrage of thrusts. I inhaled deeply, and placed an open-mouthed kiss on Eren’s chest, he whined as I leaned back, and then I slammed into him. His hands shot up to my back, nails digging lines across my skin but I couldn’t feel anything but ecstacy. He screamed my name and then he was cumming, thick and hot all over his stomach. I continued to thrust into him, his body twitching as he rode out his orgasm. His insides clenched around me, and I was about to pull out when I felt his hands on my hips. 

Through heavy breaths he quietly said, “Inside. Cum inside me.”

Oh god, I was finished. One more thrust and I was moaning, throwing my head back and I could feel the wetness and heat spilling out inside of him. He moaned, nails digging into my shoulders as his hypersensitive body continued to be thrust into. I yelled out his name, over and over, until my orgasm had ended.

I pulled out slowly, wincing at the freezing air around my now softened cock, and lay down beside Eren. He rolled over, placing his head on my chest, and I know he could hear the racing of my heart. 

I leaned down, kissing his forehead and whispered, “Je t’aime, mon cher.” 

Eren looked up at me, his eyes sparkling as he stole my lips for a kiss. It wasn’t needy or aggressive, but slow and thought out. I smiled, leaning into him, feeling nothing but pure bliss.

"I love you too, Levi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg. I hope that was okay. 
> 
> Let me know what you think/if you had any comments, criticisms!  
> See you all soon (but actually this time) 
> 
> Love you all! You make it worth writing.


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